Fell in love with Chennai, all over again !!!

I might sound like an idiot to many others from other parts of the country when I say this. But you know what.. I am in love with this place called Chennai. The city, a metropolitan one at that, that has made me what I am. I do not want to sound like a Protagonist here, but whatever I am is a fine blend of what this city had to offer to me in terms of education, culture and job and I am very proud of being a Chennaiite and I belong here, to this place. My Cousins, call us, my bro, sis and me, “Paandi Pada” ( how mean of them !) and I used to fight with them about their attitude towards Tamilnadu and Chennai in particular.

Today I was flying out of Chennai to Bangalore in the evening so that I am in Bangalore tonite and am all set and ready for a training programme, that I will be conducting in our most beautiful venue SDC. Normally I do not fly out of Chennai in the evenings on a week day, but today was different. This is just a two day programme and I will be back on Wednesday ( that is if the flights take off and land precisely :-( I am ever so worried these days to step into a flight with all these pilots getting into the fake certification rackets ).

I was tired after 9 hours of work today and when I landed at the airport the day still looked long. I would reach Bangalore only in the midnight and the cab journey from airport to SDC in electronic city was one thing I was already dreading. With all these thoughts in my mind, I was patiently sitting in seat no 3F a window seat of the aircraft listening to Captain Kumar’s welcome address in the Kingfisher flight and later the security instructions of the cabin crew and slowly the aircraft was taxiing for a takeoff. And finally it did, not because of the efforts of the pilots, but I strongly believe due to effect of the “ Hail Holy Queen” prayer that I normally say during these take-offs ( he he..)

I was completely amazed at the sight that I watched from the window seat today.. My city, Chennai was lit up so well and the pilot took the aircraft, probably at lower altitude, on a nice trip around Chennai. I was able to identify Saidapet, Guindy Park, Adyar,the long winding Mount Road and then we came around T.Nagar, where I could see Pothys, GRT and a couple of other buildings. It was as though the pilot knew my love for Chennai and was taking me around to show a different view of Chennai from the skyline. Chennai was shimmering with all those lights and it was as though the entire set of stars in the sky had descended on to Chennai and she looked like a paradise. It was like a sparkling diamond studded huge carpet spread out in all its glory with all those curvaceous roads bordered by the street lights that made a complex design for the lesser mortals to see from above.  I was brimming with pride at this sight and honestly fell head over heels in Love with this beautiful city. The steady flow of traffic especially in Mount Road added to the glitter of lights.. red, yellow and orange.. and oh!! So Lovely !!!

I have flown to Chennai in the evenings many times before, but probably I would have been sleeping, have never found Chennai this beautiful in the night. And on top of all the glitter and lights there was this full moon that was glowing.. or may be it is the moonlight that bathed Chennai in the evening that made Chennai look like a bride in all her grandeur. I loved the sight, enjoyed the short time that the pilot bestowed on me and we moved farther and farther away from the landscape until, these tiny lights were just specks in the distant horizon. I closed my eyes and waited to land in Bangalore.

All the best !!!

My little one ( he doesn’t like being referred that though and he is taller than me now, 2 inches taller than me) went for his board exams today. And very strangely I felt so tensed. And today was Language Paper I. The Language he has chosen is French and it is not too tough to learn it nevertheless, my sunno, who is called Denno, Dennu, Denny by family and formally as George, finds French a little difficult. His complete nomenclature ( ooops the effect of his subjects is rubbing on me) is George Dennis Joseph.

I clearly remember Joe, my wonderful husband, walking into the room where I was at home, in my parents place and asking me as lightly as “ do you have change for Rs.100?” “ What shall we name our baby?” and I don’t remember who among us suggested it, I think it is him,  the name Dennis. The George and the Joseph part were permanent fixations to his name, for which as parents we didnt have much choice, as the former belongs to Joe’s father and Joseph was the sunno’s fathers’ name. So we wanted to break this vicious cycle of George and Joseph doing rounds in the coming generation and we thought we will make a suitable addition in the form of a middle name to ensure that our baby has a complete name (ie.,) First Name, Middle Name and Last Name. In the confusion we missed the house name which happens to be Mundakkattu, fortunately for the child. And Joe’s people were the non-fussy type who didn’t question us on why the family name was not added to Dennu’s name. That reminds me when our marriage bands were read out, the grooms name was read out as Joseph Mundakkattu, different people in the church heard it as different names – one hilarious one was Mundakannan Joseph, which roughly and quite decently translated as big-eyed Joseph.

Ha! There I go.. Yet another digression from the main topic of Dennu taking his board exams !

Coming back to our topic,

Dennu was quite cool even this morning, always a smug look on his face, which said what’s all this hungama you guys are creating around me? Good in one way. I went as usual for the Mass. Today’s mass was offered for all the children who are taking up boards from today and specially George Dennis Joseph, Rachel, Akansha, Tejus, Kevin, Nivetha, Frank, Richard, Ricky and Abdul. I don’t know why I was moved to tears when I was praying for him and the other kids today. ( I am making this an habit at church, need to cut this down!).

And Dennu was being smothered by calls from his grandparents, grandaunts, uncles, aunts, cousins and honestly he was getting tired of it. Last Saturday my parents were home and they prayed for him and “ Kurisu varachu “ ( making the sign of the cross on his forehead) and he gave them sthuthi, ( saying praise to the Lord) The ritual was done by Kuru Uncle and Mary Aunty on Sunday after mass. My Mom-in-law called and wished Dennu followed by shaju and Jincy. Viju, Supriya, jerry, Jeffrey, Vitty and Navneeth, Jancy Chechi, Anita and Anwin called and wished him on Sunday itself. There were also calls from my cousins and Aunts ( Dennu’s grand aunts)

Yesterday Petula called and reminded me to read Psalm 91 before going for the exams. Some repeat calls were also there. Jane, Pauline, Khan and Jigie had called – some wished me and others Dennu. This morning again, Mary Aunty, anita’s mom, Rachel and Leena had called. All of them wished Dennu and I was wondering if Dennu would have received so many calls even for his wedding :-)

The best was yet to come. When Leena called, BTW, Leena is my cousin and has three daughters Reshma, Sushma and Swetha, the kids could not wish him and they had booked their time with Dennu in the morning itself. Sushma gave a warning to Dennu – you better don’t score anything more than 80% - I got only 83% and I heard Dennu say Sorry to disappoint you. And that was the final wishing call. For Today.

I was jokingly telling Joe this morning, for the kind of wishes and prayers that are pouring in, Dennu should be getting 110 out of 100 in every subject. Ah, my parents will be in church until Dennu finishes his exams everyday. :-)

And hence, we left home after praying and Dennu reading the Psalm 91.

Dennu seemed to have done French Paper I well. After all these years, it’s a little difficult to assess what that “ Done Well” means. Shame on me. Anyway, Rachel and Frank told me that the kids in their school ( SBOA and DonBosco) found French a little difficult but Ms.Monica, Dennu’s French Teacher confirmed that the paper was pretty easy.
After the exams, much to the discomfort of Dennu, Joe and I were waiting for him outside the school, it was nice to meet his classmates and most children identified me as George's mom. Felt nice - a change is always good. Vincy Joseph transitioned into George's mom. Am I revelling at all the domesticity / domestication a couple of weeks of leave has brought in?

Its one down today and 10 more to go. My frayed nerves ( in the morning) seem to cool down a little and I hope each of these papers are easily tackled by these children.

Infact, I was wondering at the end of the day today, I have taken so many examinations in my life and never was I this tensed.

Is this called Trying Times? And I thought I will just add a picture that I clicked on Monday 21st March when Dennu decided to study outdoors, perched on a compund wall behind the house. He hates to pose for pictures, especially clicked by me, so I had to take this snap without his knowledge from the first floor balcony. Cute.

Sermon, Friends and all else

The day began very well.  The Lord again spoke to me quite directly through the Gospel and here it goes.

Matthew 7: 7 - 12

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7 "Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

8 For every one who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.

9 Or what man of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone?

10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent?

11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

12 So whatever you wish that men would do to you, do so to them; for this is the law and the prophets.

What more assurance do I need?  I completely surrendered myself to God and let everything to his will?  The verses really touched me as last night there were so many doubts in my mind and the verse answered my doubts.  It was as though this verse was being read out just for my sake.

During the last five days, I had very few calls and as I said I had logged in very few times.  Today was different.  I had calls from some of my friends.  My favourites to some of my best buddies.  Some from Office and some outside of office.

Most of the friend calls were those that took a long time - almost everyone enquired about whats happening in my life, genuinely interested in whats going on with Dennu's studies and simple chats.  At the end of every call i felt so good, that these souls chose to call me and talk to me and find out about me, though I am on leave.

It was lovely to listen to some of their voices - like for example there was friend who just returned from Japan, the friend had  left the country on the day the twin catastrope of both earthquake and Tsunami struck the place and I was releived that this friend was able to make it back to India safely.  I remember going white with fear when I heard about it on Friday last while I was doing a session. The initial couple of moments in the call today, we called each other's names and just laughed. I felt the true bonds of friendship can be in silence too..  Just knowing that the other person is just there on the other end.

Or take for instance the last call from another friend - a cal that came after a very long time. As we were talking I was reminded of the Joy and Peace this friend brought into my life and I had actually missed speaking and hearing this voice. There are moments during these conversations, that tears well up, emotions choke and even when I am silent the other person knows exactly what I am doing. 

I dont know if any of these people know what they mean to me, or when I say it to them in not probably as many words, they understand the impact of their lives on mine.  Its pure joy listening to friends voices

So many times in life, when I am working I get so busy with my world of activities - like work and home and realise that the time that I spend for my friends is quite scarce.  I asked myself today how many opportunities did I miss in making a friend realise that I think  of them, pray for them or wish well for them.  I know it would make both them and me happy.  But how many times do I actually do it is the question here.  I resolved to spend some time for these 'true friends'

So I made up my mind to spend Quality time for Friend going forward.

Whats going on with me right now !!!

First things first…

I am on LEAVE !!! and guess what for a month. Can you believe that? For a whole month. Starting 12th March. First time in my tenure in Mahindra Satyam. First Time in 12 years.

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I am bonding, really bonding with my son. Probably after my maternity leave that I had taken for 3 months, way back in 1996, this is the longest that I am spending with him. And Ohhh.. I am loving it so much. I wonder if he likes it as much as me, but trust me I am really enjoying it. I love looking at his face and you know what he has a tiny moustache growing. The little sunno is growing !! There are times we disagree, there are times I get irritated with this indiscipline etc., but I am loving every minute of this.. The reason I have taken leave is to ensure he is studying !! I am also trying to feed him at regular intervals and am keeping him healthy.

I log in and check my mails very rarely. A couple of hours in last 5 days. Not that I do not have work, but my focus is Dennu now and nothing else.

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I heard from Petula today. In one of my earlier posts I had mentioned that it is a blessing to have a friend with whom I share great telepathy. I think of her and she calls. Been thinking of calling her and giving her Dennu’s exam schedule for prayers and she called. And guess what from Chennai !!. She is in Chennai for another 15 – 20 days. Rosanna’s exams are on and she has come in to help. And she told me something, that really made me quite happy. She will relocate to Chennai for an year as Rosanna is going to write the board exams next year and she will definitely need Pets around.

She spoke to me for a long time today and asked me not to get stressed out. Felt good speaking to her. It’s a true blessing to have a friend to whom I can open up and speak !!!

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I also accidently saw a mail from Jane, ( it landed in my junk email box) though a little late mentioning about Reshmi’s exams, Jane taking leave and wishing me and Pauline all the very best for our children’s exams. Jane, Pauline and me are friends from our Stella Maris days. Jane and I were thickest of friends when we were in college – we used to study together and were partners in all crimes of those days. We went on to do PGDCA together in Stella and only I got selected at Stella, Jane ended up in Aptech in Cathedral road and we continued travelling together for yet another year. Pauline was my schoolmate from Standard 6, but we were not great pals. We were classmates. In college we continued the same way – Pauline was the traditional types and didn’t fit into our scheme of things. Life has all three of us together at Yercaud at SHY and that’s when we really got close. We lived together in the the same place for an year and had so much fun. That’s where I met Pets too.

Jane was the first one to get married, then Pauline and finally it was me. We had children around the same time, I guess, and all three of our children Reshmi, Dennu and don’t remember Pauline’s son’s name are going for the boards at the same time. We are thrilled and praying for each other now. I remember we used to speak about meeting each other after 10 – 15 years with our hubby and children and used to blush at the very thought of that , then. I was the one who wanted to have most children and I am one who has just one. We all thought Pets would just have one and she is the one who has the most, three.

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Am continuing to go for Daily mass and these days I specially pray for the children who are taking the board exams especially Rachel, Jovin, Jayant, Reshmi, Pauline’s son, Nivetha, Thejus, Appu, Kevin, Akansha, Jennifers son, Kalpana and ofcourse Dennu. I sincerely pray that children who are really capable like Nivetha, Jayant and Kevin should be able to top the marklists, while children like Dennu should be able to score as much as they can. I am also praying that God should really guide these children to do well.

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I love being at home. I talk to my plants as long as I want. I gape at my darling fishes as long as I want. No hurrying, no panic. Life is so smooth. I get time to pack Joe’s lunch with love. I get time to give Dennu the food he wants and the way he wants. I get time to oil my hair whenever I want. I take showers at whatever time I want. I don’t have to run for the bus. I can read whatever I want. I am energetic at the end of the day and give a big smile and hug when Joe comes back home. I like this.

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Strangely I don’t miss office. I am at peace with myself.

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Happy Birthday to you !!!

Family beside you.

Health, within you.

Love that never ends.

Dreams that come true.

Close and caring friends.

Serenity with each sunrise.

Happiness deep down within.

Success in each facet of your life.

Special memories of all yesterdays.

A path that leads to beautiful tomorrows.

A bright today with much to be thankful for.

May this Birthday fill your heart with new hopes,

& May the journey of your life be fragrant with opportunities

Open up new horizons and bring for you promises of brighter tomorrows.

Happy Birthday !!!

Love you So much

Vincy



Lincoln's letter to his Son's Head Teacher

This again is a piece of rich contect that i was introduced to by a good friend of mine.  We were discussing about my admiration for Rudyard Kipling's Poem " If.." and how every time I read it, I get a different perspective, he said on those similar lines I will send you something and this came to me.  And anything good and admirable has to reach this space, which is so beloved to me and here it goes.  Hope you will enjoy too...

Respected Teacher,


My son will have to learn I know

That all men are not just, all men are not true.But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a hero;

that for every selfish politician, there is a dedicated leader. Teach him that for every enemy there is a friend.

It will take time, I know; but teach him, if you can, that a dollar earned is far more valuable than five found.

Teach him to learn to lose and also to enjoy winning.

Steer him away from envy, if you can.

Teach him the secret of quite laughter. Let him learn early that the bullies are the easiest to tick.

Teach him, if you can, the wonder of books.. but also give him quiet time to ponder over the eternal mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun, and flowers on a green hill –side.

In school teach him it is far more honourable to fail than to cheat.

Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone tells him they are wrong.

Teach him to be gentle with gentle people and tough with the tough.

Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone is getting on the bandwagon.

Teach him to listen to all men but teach him also to filter all he hears on a screen of truth and take only the good that comes through.

Teach him, if you can, how to laugh when he is sad. Teach him there is no shame in tears. Teach him to scoff at cynics and to beware of too much sweetness.

Teach him to sell his brawn and brain to the highest bidders; but never to put a price tag on his heart and soul.

Teach him to close his ears to a howling mob… and to stand and fight if he thinks he’s right.

Treat him gently; but do not cuddle him because only the test of fire makes fine steel.

Let him have the courage to be impatient, let him have the patience to be brave.

Teach him always to have sublime faith in himself because then he will always have sublime faith in mankind.

This is a big order; but see what you can do.

He is such a fine little fellow, my son.

My choice !!!

You roam my mind aimlessly
As a Ghost
Is it because you got killed
In the Gallows of my mind?

Logic prevails
Reasoning stands out
Its all too obvious
But the heart is a silly machine

Sometimes its as though it
Has no memory at all
Of the pain or agony
That others cause it

Its surprising to see
Telepathy exists acutely
Love has not vanished
And the longing is still there

Would you ever know
The extent of my passion
Love, and care
Only to feel taken for granted, finally

When tears spoke the language of grief and
I felt the taste of Betrayal
And with every death of hope
I died a little too

Betrayal does it
It Betrays the betrayer.
Love does it too
It takes pleasure in giving more and more

It’s all a joke for you
You say some unrelated stuff
And make me smile
And miss out the pain behind the smile

I am magnanimous enough
To bear the brunt
To Simply say
Its My Choice !!

Signs from above !!!

Sometimes I sound so silly that I wonder whether I have ever grown up really in life.

I don’t know if I can consider the following incident among those silly things that I do and experience in life.

Something has been nagging my mind for sometime now and I was trying to get over the damn thing and it just keeps coming back, how much ever I try pushing it out of my mind. Its like this - try holding a simple glass of water for a minute. It does not bother you much. Try holding it for an hour, and your hands starts aching.. terribly. Continue holding it longer, though the glass of water is not by itself, that heavy, it creates so much of frustration and pain, its impossible to distract yourself from the ‘ pain in the wrong place feeling’ of holding that glass of water. The stuff that is nagging me is as important to me as water :-), but it is actually a very silly thing. I am sure I didn’t make much sense there. But it was meant to be that way !

And this week has been hectic with sessions every single day at work, and on top of it there was a customer presentation and there was some stuff that was incomplete which I needed to finish on priority. With all these in the back of my mind, I began my day starting to go to church and there was this rain, all of a suddent from nowhere. Hubby dear told me, how can you go to church in this rain and all my resolve vanished and I decided against going to church.

Thats when my friend called and offered a drop to office,( his presentation to the customer was immediately after mine) which I was quite happy to accept, as I can reach office earlier, actually much earlier for the customer presentation. So I started on time, waited for my friend, only to get a call from him telling me that he is stuck in traffic and it would be better that I go by the office bus otherwise both of us would miss the time together.

Disappointment !! – On second thoughts it was fine as I was quite early to catch my shuttle. And of all days, the shuttle had to arrive late, today. Have you noticed that I always have second thoughts, is it a characteristic of Gemini? The funnier part I also have third, fourth and believe me nth thoughts on the silliest stuff in the world. Ok – Let me focus !

The reason why I am elaborating all this is to highlight the fact that my tension levels were slowly but steadily increasing. When tension mounts self doubt creeps in. I was wondering the leaders are going to be there in the hall – COO, CPO & CMO and the customers. Will I be able to make the presentation well etc., etc., And then I looked up and asked God, I am worried, looks like I am alone in this whole thing… and really was looking for support.

That’s when I saw a Navy blue Maruti 800 passby my Shuttle and on it in very visible bold letters it was there. I heard him speak to me. And the message was

“ No Matter how far you are from GOD, he is just a prayer away “

I felt so blessed. This is overwhelming – Almighty talking to me so very directly?

No reading between lines, no clues, no guesses, no assumptions. Just plain direct one on one communication. And what more do I need? I felt so safe, so protected, I didn’t feel alone any more.

I felt energized instantly. My fears vanished ‘cos I know my Lord is just a prayer away. I could be in the conference room, discussions with who’s who in this world, in any kind of situation and there He is, ‘ just a prayer away’.

It touched me all the more ‘cos the entire last week during my conversations with the Lord, I kept asking him, ‘Show me a Sign’ and help me decipher it.

Why would the Lord love me so much? This lesser mortal being. This very person who depends so much on worldly passions, ignores the Lord so much, with dependencies on people who are so very hypocritical and yet, when I was stranded he cares enough to respond to me, just like that – so instantly.

With this renewed faith, happiness, Top of the world feeling ( Imagine the almighty talking to me !!!) needless to say, I did well in the presentation and the day was Rocking contrary to what I had anticipated.

And I continue feeling Blessed. And I thank Lord for not allowing me to grow out of these little miracles of every day life.

25 ridiculous reasons why I havent heard from you

1. Someone pushed you from the flight you were travelling and you are still orbiting Stratosphere – stay there !!

2. You are dead and buried and you don’t have a mobile with you.

3. You are out of your mind – which you anyway were he he he

4. STML ( Short Term Memory Loss) has claimed you after you hit the bottom of a swimming pool. Or is it Selective Amnesia?

5. You are jailed under unbailable offence for petty crime and have no access to your handset in your cell :-) the only hope is to expect a call when you get released.

6. You fell into a pothole while walking on the road and no one has pulled you out yet.

7. You were reading and went into a trance and have not recovered till date

8. You are lost and couldn’t make it back home and have left your mobile at home.

9. You have been kidnapped and are held at ransom. Noone is willing to pay the ransom to get you back.

10. An ET has taken you on a visit to its residence in space and they have mistaken you for their relative. They got you to stay there.

11. You have gone insane – isn’t that the same as being out of your mind? But I need 25 weird reasons!

12. Your mobile is stolen and have no way of getting my number back.

13. You have been swallowed by an Anaconda and you are still trying to get out through its mouth which you are not able to.

14. You are stranded in this island near the artic region and the signal strength is bad.

15. While visiting Zoo, you realized you belong there and decided to stay with your kind of beings

16. You are lost in the sea, when you wandered there one morning and haven’t been able to track your way back home. You are somewhere close to Uganda. ( no specific reason for choosing that part of the globe)

17. You haven’t woken up from Shavaasana that you were practicing during Yoga sessions in a long time now.

18. You night walked dreaming of bungee jumping and jumped off a bridge. You are still lying down there with a couple of broken limbs and appendages.

19. You woke up one morning and realized you became deaf, mute and a complete idiot.

20. You asked the waitress at a restaurant for an extra seat for an imaginary friend and got clobbered. Yet to recover from the damages. You didn’t know she was a part time weight lifter.

21. You have gone blind and do not have the inclination to ask for help to get my number. Remember you are already deaf & mute and… in point 19.

22. You were wondering why the Frisbee was getting bigger and it hit you and blew the daylights out of you. You are still wondering !

23. You lost your charger and haven’t been able to charge your phone ( that’s so lame but you see I have a target)

24. You woke up one day opposite gendered and you are embarrassed to call me in your new voice. ( I really like this one !!)

25. The time machine went backwards in your life and you are just an year old and my parents are yet to be married :-)

Hmmm...  I enjoyed doing this !!!

Daily Mass

I went to church this morning – to meet the Lord ( though I can meet him and be with him anywhere, anytime going to the church always energises me) and to receive him in Communion. I really get energized at the thought of participating in the mass and receiving communion. It is a sign of receiving Lord and somehow I feel strengthened more on the days I receive communion. It is as though he is with me physically then, and not just emotionally.

The Sunday Mass is something that I would never miss for my life. I should have a really good reason to miss a Sunday mass. And no reason is good enough to miss a Sunday mass, unless there is something as bad as a communicable disease that you may infect other people with, there is no excuse worth its salt to miss a Sunday Mass. Not just for me, for anyone in the family. To me I draw the entire weeks’ spiritual strength from the communion I receive and I make it a point to avoid taking my mobile along with me. Its dedicated time for the Lord and I wouldn’t want anything to come between me and the Lord.

With a maid who has come in for cooking – yes finally I have a real good cook who comes sharp at 6 am in the morning everyday and cooks for us and she is really efficient that she completes breakfast, lunch and dinner for us in an hour and 15 minutes and leaves the place spic and span, without making much noise about anything and without disturbing us for anything at all. In fact, she doesn’t talk much. Nirmala, that’s her name and she is a blessing to us. Baiamma, our maid who does other chores at home comes by around 6.45 am and does the other work, that leaves me out with absolutely nothing to do. Am I happy? I have reasons to be happy.

Initially when both the maid and the cook started coming in, I lavishly spent my time on reading paper, watching my darling fishes, watering the garden, talking to Joe ( morning conversations are otherwise very limited and if at all there are any, they are heating expressions of verbal exchanges as everyone is hustling and bustling in their efforts to go to offices and school), until one day I felt so guilty of the fact that I am wasting so much of my otherwise busy and useful time. That’s when I happened to speak to Jigie, you know the heart to heart kind of talking, and she was telling about Austin and her going to church every morning and how they have become role models for many families in her Parish.

Jigie is my cousin, and we were brought up together from when we were 8 months old to our pre marriage days. In fact, our birthdays almost fall together June 14th is hers and June 18th is mine and we were almost like twins. We fought so much when we were really small and grew up in friendship when we were adolescents ( partners in every crime, then) until education took Jigie away from Chennai and later marriage.

With a church so close by at a walkable distance and mass on most mornings, I decided to go for Mass whenever I could. And I have made that into a practice. We do not have daily mass, Mondays and Tuesdays the mass is the evening and so on the other days I make it a point to go for mass and meet the Lord in person focus my energies in prayer for all my loved ones ( with whom I am in constant touch and for some with whom I am not in touch too) and most importantly to receive the Lord in communion.

Today when I went for mass, I was reminded of my Yercaud days – there I used to go for mass everyday. Every single day. Rain, storm, landslides, cold weather, no power nothing mattered – I went for mass every single day. Yercaud was my first experience in living away from home and I missed family so much, going to Church used to make up for not having my family closeby. I used to love going for mass, so much so the nuns in the convent thought that I would end up in the novitiate to become a nun. When I went for their Centenary celebrations, Sr. Bernard, the correspondent asked me “ so, Vincy, When are you coming to take the Veil?” I had to tell her “ I intend taking the Veil, but not the one that you are thinking of, Sister Bernard” and we laughed about it.

Joe still makes fun of me saying that I got a good husband (?) ( I forgive him for his ignorance ha ha ), only because of those every day masses that I attended. Anyways, till my Yercaud days, I never had a church so closeby to go for a mass on a daily basis and when I had the opportunity I did not want to waste it.

So, Here comes yet another blessing that I can add onto my list of blessings. Meeting the Lord and receiving him in Communion, every day – every possible day !.

It hurts.. like hell

It hurts to lose. Anything. However insignificant. I am sure everyone would agree on that.

I belong to a peculiar breed, and it used to hurt even if I lost a simple hand kerchief ( back then, at school, I used an handkerchief and not a tissue). Though the hurt itself was short-lived for a couple of days, those couple of days my handkerchief would be always there at the back of mind and I would be blaming myself silly over losing it. Maybe that’s the reason I moved over to tissues, you get so used to throwing it away.

I realized I haven’t changed basically internally, deep down. I realize, am that same little girl to whom it still hurts, when she loses. Friends, opportunities, games – even a silly online game, pens, rings, watches, diamonds, my gold anklet, chain – going by the list that I have lost they are not the insignificant kinds. For example, losing the only diamond I had, hurt so much, that I have vowed to myself that I will not buy diamonds again as a punishment to my own carelessness. The losses have been quite humungous and it has never gone away from my mind for years together.

The wildest part is, inspite of all this, I have never stopped losing. The latest is you. I have lost, haven’t I?

And this time, it hurts and today it hurts like hell. I wish it was a wee bit more easier !!!

Valentine's Day

Its Valentine’s day tomorrow.

Every single magazine, news daily that I came across today had something (?), actually too many glaring articles about Valentines day and loads of gifting ideas, promotions and what not. There were a couple of articles asking what plans for tomorrow to its beloved readers and if they are prepared for the day. Infact, even my Beauty Parlour had some offers for my loved one( albeit an Caveat, which said if the bill amount is more than Rs. 500/-).

Why is Valentine’s day so commercialized ? And by a Valentine everyone seems to be hinting about a lover, a partner or may be a friend ( or is this my ignorant minds understanding??)

I was wondering who my Valentine is and I realized I don’t have just one but many and this thought reminds me about my Sun sign reading this morning in the newspaper. Incidentally, the astro numerologist who wrote this column also told the readers what their partner will be like and how to woo their lover based on their sunsign. Even he hints at partner or lover… so I am not totally wrong in my understanding of what I read all over the place.

Coming back to my sunsign predictions, it starts like this.. It isn’t impossible for Geminis to love more than one person at a time. ( Good, He clarified a major fact there and all I need to do is to blame my Sun sign. Lucky me.) Geminis look for love and tenderness ( ahhh.. that’s a good point too..) and the predictions go on..

So got my point about multiple Valentines that I was hinting at earlier? I decided to go over my list of valentines this year and here I go..

And I start with my Lord. I have the most open conversations with him. Really open and honest. Actually there is no choice about being open and honest. Its lovely to have those conversations. I am sure he is my first Valentine. Always. Infact, I remember, even my first blog was about him. Then I guess I love myself the most in this entire world. Think of it, all of us love ourselves, and why cant I be my own Valentine ? For all the self talk I do, the company I give myself and the space I long for myself, I guess I deserve to be my own Valentine.

Then there is the obvious, my beloved Joe. Been my strength, motivation for long years, been my valentine from the day I knew him, and probably the only one in the true sense of it ( I mean the commercial sense ). And there is Dennu, of course. A very important part of my life and sometimes I think he is atleast now my purpose in life. My parents, truly my loved ones, and I would bet my life on them before marriage and didn’t have “ a commercial sense” Valentine then and they made most of my world and my decisions in life. I am also wondering when exactly in the last 16 years of my marriage, did they drop down to their current positions?  Funny, but true.  Like the varying climatic changes, TRP ratings and stock markets these things change too... 

My siblings, my brother and sister are also my valentines. We love each other, though we all express it differently and I am glad to have an additional bro and sis in their partners and I would consider them my valentines too. And wait how did I miss my two little nephews?

And as I just finished with my family circle, there are a whole host of my cousins, friends, their partners and lovely children whose faces go on as frames in my mind. And that’s a huge list.

So It looks like Anupam V Kapil’s prediction atleast about Gemini’s are so very true, looking at this big list .. “ Its not impossible for Geminis to love more than one person at a time “.  I should be thanking my stars, or is it the Sun, for this prediction. See ya and a great Valentines day for all those reading this. May you be blessed with a big Valentine’s day list and don’t forget to add yourself.

Whats your names' hidden meaning ?

While reading blogs to my heart's content today, till now, little late in the night, I came across this link and was too tempted to check out what my name says about me. 

I should say I was quite skeptical about this link in the beginning and as I read the list that came up after I typed in name, I agree to becoming a true convert.  Lot of things said here are so true, so 'me'... and here goes the list.

 You Are Driven and Tireless

• You are very hyper. You never slow down, even when it's killing you.

• You're the type of person who can be a workaholic during the day... and still have the energy to party all night.

• Your energy is definitely a magnet for those around you. People are addicted to your vibe.

• You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

• You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

• You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

• You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

• You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

• You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

• You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.

• You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.

• A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

• You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.

• You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.

• You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

If you ever have known me, you would vouch for a lot of points said above :-)

16 years of Togetherness - The Love of my life !

Today is our 16th Wedding Anniversary and here goes my dedication to my beloved on this special day...

Was it your boyish charm or those careless whispers

Was it your confidence or those deep piercing eyes

Was it your reckless abandon or those sweet nothings you told me

Was it the care you bestowed or all those patient moments

Was it the gentleness in you or that husky voice

Was it the lovely warmth or was it the attention I got

Was it the love burning through your eyes or all those pranks you played

Was it way you held me or all those white lies you told about me

Was it your wondrous smile or that mischief in your tone

Or was it simply the way I felt when you were around

What was it which made me fall head over heels in love with you all over again ?

Decisions for 2011

A very good friend ( in my son's kinder garten days he would say Bestest Friend), so my bestest friend sent me this list.  I added some and deleted some and here is my wish list for the year 2011.

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray and read the bible.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2010.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while you walk, smile. Pay attention to the sights & sounds around you.
Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't overdo. Keep your limits.   ( This one is definitely for me!!!)
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. ha ha
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:

25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
40.  Love with abandon
41.  Tell your loved ones you love them, you might not get a chance again.
42.  Be compassionate with everyone
43.  Dress well.  Dont save nice dresses for occasions.
44.  Blog more.  Pour out your heart.

Hmmm....  thats a good enough list.  will keep adding to the list.

See ya.

I tried hard...

not to cry.. but the tears wouldnt stop.  They were streaming down my cheeks.  When I suppressed they streamed down my nose  :-)

not to think of all that was said.  but couldnt help it either.  everything came back to me hitting me harder

not to be so negative - didnt help.  every damn thing looked ugly

to eat - not a morsel would go down my throat.  finally settled for a hot coffee.  It helped.

not to search for your face in the crowd - that was the only thing that i was looking for.  So I stopped looking at people

to be normal - the lumps in the throat kept choking me and I was far from being normal

to read dynamic relationships - I wasnt progressing beyond a line and anyway when eyes are full, vision is blurred.

strking a conversation with a old friend who I met after ages - and realised I was stopping every now and then and my thoughts were back to you. 

to make sense of myself - nothing, absolutely nothing made sense

not to think of last time - I was only seeing mirages all around

not to be angry with myself - I was so angry with myself, if I had a chance I would have slapped myself for being so silly.

Counting my blessings this Xmas season !!!

It must the harmones that are playing havoc, as usual every month or it could be the games people knowingly or unknowingly play with your emotions and end up leaving you like an island in an unending ocean. Whatever the reasons are, this being the Christmas season, I thought it is a good idea to list down all my blessings in life rather than feel rotten about myself and choked with a lot of unwanted emotional stuff.


Here we go with my list…

Life … I am thankful I woke up alive this morning
A wonderful partner – hardworking, sensitive, loving, practical, responsible and a good father to our son
Fantastic Teenager – listens to what Joe and I have to say and tries hard to please us
Adorable parents – who think that their daughter is the best!!
Loving inlaws – who think of me as their own than as someone thrust on them
Siblings – who I can call anytime and ask for anything in this world
A house to live in – and I love this house, it beautiful, spacious and comfortable
Vehicles to travel – and not just one
A cute garden – plants that smile at me when I come back from work
Green thumb – when I plant they grow, no matter how bad the weather is
Fishes – that has been in our tank for ages and they still wait for the food I give them
Maids – who are dependable, who cook and clean, help me to focus in my work
A job – that allows me to explore possibilities, meet new people, allows me to travel and a one I like doing
Family – that thinks my career as important as other things in the family and supports me through and through
Intellect – to see wrong from right ( whether I use it is a different question)
Gift of the senses – though some are beginning to show signs of ageing, it is a blessing to have these faculties
Friends – few but very very strong ones. I need to think of them and they call.. no kidding eh
Cousins – who are emotionally attached and are wellwishers and so much fun to be with
Financial stability – both at family & independent level. I don’t have to wait for anyone to buy my anything
Neighbors – who are supportive and friendly. Nambiar Uncle treats me like his own daughter
Food to eat – don’t have to worry about what to eat next, the only controls are the ones I put for my own
Sensitivity – ability to understand others and be sensitive to others needs
Empathy – I feel I am generally empathetic
Ability to work hard – my attitude to work hard Impresses me sometimes
Clothes – a sea of them, I can go on wearing a different dress every day for 4 months without repeating a dress :-)
Shoes / bags and jewellery – ahem ahem
Ability to see goodness in others – no matter what there is goodness everywhere
Positivity – my greatest strength, I am able to see positivity in almost everything and in the most negative things
A Past in which I have no regrets – a protected youth and happy childhood
Education and a liking for books
Hobbies – like gardening, painting and blogging that can keep me going
Ability to keep the house spic and span including the wardrobes – many of my friends admire me for that!!
Grandmom – at 40 years how many people have grandmoms who think that hers is the best grandkid on the block?
Potta house – where I can still go back to and relive my childhood
Rubber estates – the dark canopy of trees that we can fall back on during our retirement days
A Greatl husband – who loves me for what I am, complete with all my shortcomings and of course the bulges :-)
Last but not the Least ( probably should have been the first)
My faith in the lord and gift of Jesus – I don’t even know the dangers that he has protected me from all through my life. Time and again proven to me that he cares for me and shown his presence in multiple ways !!

WOW !!! this is a real long list..

Life is certainly worth living and tells me how blessed I am !!!!

Where has Trust gone ?

I was flying to Bangalore today. The day didn’t start well for sure.. I don’t know if it was the day that didn’t start well or the night that didn’t end well. Whatever.

I missed the flight – Yes, for the first time. And you know what ? I wasn’t hassled. I was cool. For a moment I was upset though, then, I thought what the heck. I have been working like mad and this is fine. I quickly booked myself into the next flight which was a good two hours later, and was all set to enjoy my solitude in the maddening crowd in the airport. I love observing people and of course thinking.

With Dennu having exams this afternoon, mom and dad coming home to be with Dennu, Joe going on a trip, my porgramme being affected by the delay, I was a more than a little preoccupied. I decided to put all these away for sometime and go on and take life casually, atleast for a day.

With all these thoughts filling my mind I was in the queue for the security check and saw a middle aged lady in the queue. Wrong queue. She was standing confidently on the queue where the men go their public physical smothering .. the physical security check. The first thought was she will find out she is in the wrong queue when she reaches the end of the line. But the good Samaritan in me realized that she is not a frequent traveler and might need some help and so I volunteered and told her, you need to come to this line and you are in the wrong queue. She turned around and looked a little doubtful, moved out of the queue and then whatever came over her, suddenly asked me, with a tone like “ who the < bleep> are you to tell me to move out of this queue” but the words came out were a loud “ WHY?” for which I answered, this is the queue for checking your baggage and move to security check. She didn’t budge from her queue. Kept standing her ground in the wrong queue.

I realized the ladies behind me were giving a look that said ‘ you asked for it’. I continued in my queue and she is hers. The woman who by now was kind of convinced that I might be planning to con her, got input from another passenger behind her to move out of the queue, so our lady walked the opposite side and to get to some other queue and not join the queue that I was in. I knew by then, wherever she goes, she got to come back to my queue. With Chennai airport being so small, there is just one queue for ladies and other queue’s would definitely shoo her away to the ladies queue.

Right enough, she came into my queue after a little while, with a real sheepish smile.

That was when I saw a easterner ( Korean or Taiwanese) in front of me very smugly standing in front of the ladies security check. I should have by now learnt from my earlier lesson with the short fair lady, which I didn’t, so I went ahead and told him, this is for ladies and pointed to the other side saying “that is the men’s queue”. I guess he didn’t understand. He smiled, nodded his head and stood his ground. Second googly for me.. actually third. Missing the flight was the first one.

I guess it is language issue or so I consoled. But someone else from other queue told him the same and he moved to the right men’s queue.

This left me thinking. These people, both the short fair lady and the easterner had an idiot like me offering help with a smiling face, and they were not willing to take help. I am not even looking at the gratitude that they should have displayed, for a stranger who came forward to offer help. They both just didn’t take the help, continued to stand in the wrong places, and realized their folly a little later.

Was it an issue of trust diminishing in general public or is it apathy for free help coming your way. I just decided that today is not my day but that shouldn’t stop me from offering help wherever / whenever it is needed, especially so this christmas season.

If...

If is a wonderful, meaningful and thought inspiring poem by Rudyard Kipling.  I just love some of the lines here...

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And – which is more – you'll be a Man my son!

Phew !!!!  what a poem and what truth in every single line.  I really enjoy reading this again and again!!

Nostalgia in an Electric Train

I had an opportunity to travel by Electric train today - after a very very long time...

I travelled from Beach station to Guindy, a blissful 25 minute ride around Chennai with a whole compartment almost to myself, smiling at the chatter of a group of school girls going for exams, watching thorugh those iron rodded windows couples sitting on the benches, vendors selling, all that greenery and  multiple perspectives of Chennai from an electric train.  Even during my first ever journey in an electric train, that struck me quite starkly - the perspective of Chennai from a Bus and a train are completely different, I like the former better.

Talking to myself ( monologues have become a way of life, which makes me a great company for myself) during the entire journey reminscing about  the good old times in the past, I didnt realise how the 25 minutes passed by.

When the electric train crossed the highcourt busstand and I was reminded of a very funny incident that happened when I tried being naughty while I was travelling in a bus,( a moement when I forgot myself and my surroundings),  56H to be precise, after college with Jigila.  How I almost got caught and was let go by a magnanimous pillion rider who ensured that as one of the best moments of relief in my life. ( what a surprise, as I key in this line.. Jigila called on my mobile ...  Amazing!!) - I am thankful for these graces in life - friends who call me when I think of them, but Jigie is not just a mere friend !!!

Chetpet reminded me of MCC school, where I had my first professional training as part of my job, memories of all my friends there Suresh, Gokul, Jane, Jayashree, Uma, Bindu, and of course Khan ( how can I ever forget him).  Thats when I started travelling by train extensively.  Wimco Nagar to Central, Park to Chetpet and back.  I loved those journeys. I loved those training sessions, friendships, the bonding, the challenges, the fun, the camaraderie, the learning.. Whoa...

Egmore reminded more of the Doveton Corrie days of training, Khan and I used to manage the logistics of training, to Khan's dismay I ended up managing the finance,  Daniel, Binda, Naomi ( she passed away tragically), vijayalakshmi, Pearly,  Joe kuriakose, Chackochen, Austin, Jamuna, Jane, the corner shop, Waikiki complex etc.,  It used to be so easy to meet Petula there.  Its close from Perambur.

Nungambakkam reminded me of  my MBA days - Some of those MBA days i used to travel from Numgambakkam to Guindy.  It never used be pleasant, cos' I was most of the time anxious to reach home, teach dennu and complete hundred other things, always occupied, planning what to do next - but it reminds me of my grit, my perseverence and my potential.  If I put my heart and soul to something I will get more that what I aspire for.  My Gold Medal is a constant reminder of that and the grace of God.  I still cant beleive I did a part-time MBA. 

While it was the PTC bus that I used during school and college days, it was the electric train for 3 years while I was working but my favourite definitely is the greenish PTC bus.  I still love them - the green coloured ones.  they are so rare these days.  I dont connect to the the new range of  MTC buses that are now going around Chennai. 

Kodambakkam always had reminded me of Fatima, as there were so many stories that I have heard from Jigila about her journey and other interesting anecdotes about her journey from here to Wimco Nagar during her school days.  Later my sister also did her schooling there.  I used to remember Jigila's stories during my MBA journey days too!!!

The Mambalam station was quite empty today contrary to the regular sight of crowded madness.  Maybe because of the timing that I travelled...  I crossed CTI quarters near Guindy, which is the place where I went to first time on a bike with Joe to Chetan and Chechi's place.

So finally this 25 minute journey turned out to be a Joy ride, reminding me of some good old days dating back close to 2 decades and during this thanksgiving weekend helped me remind of yet another grace of a happy, carefree and a lovely youth surrounded by friends, cousins, family and lot of beautiful memories !!