Thursday, May 09, 2013

Yay Yay Yay

Folks, I got to tell you all something..

Actually two.  but I will save the first one for yet another post, and tell you the second one first.
The Std XII results for Tamilnadu Board examinations was announced today  and I  hope you  remember the SOS that I  had put up here in my blog earlier.

I remember vividly that many of you wished me luck and also added that I needed it more than Sonny boy.  You know what,  you were right.

To tell you the impact of the announcement that i am about to make,  I need to give you a little background on how my sonny boy approaches exams and education in general.

Maybe I should  make it crisp - otherwise I will make it a painful read for all of you.

1  All these years in my sons life, he has never come across a difficult examination - every examination is easy and he has done it well.  Period. 

2  Results are for the parents and not for him.  He will do what best he can do and rest is for the parents to figure out and bother.

3  When he was in lower classes, and later when he was in the higher grades too, he would ONLY attempt the one word answers like fill-ups, match the following, one word answers etc, that demands just one word as an answer.  anything beyond that is not worth his efforts.  ( Mind you, even if he knows the answers, they will not be attempted.)  And for the question how have you done your exams, the answer is in point no 1.

4.  He could never understand for a very long time, why I make a big fuss about his marks, when he has passed in an examination.  for example, if i ask him Dennu, you got only 70% in Math, the typical answer is yeah Ma, but the pass mark if 40% and I have got so much more than that. 

5.  An answer sheet does not need margins, date, question numbers, why it need not even need the name or roll number.  It is the teachers job to fill those in.  Atleast one of these will miss out in every answer paper.
6.  The most  important thing  in an exam is how fast you complete the paper.  Nothing else matters.  oh.. while we are at this, the remaining time of the exam should be used to draw really cute cartoons and decorate the question paper.

7.  Once the exam is written, it is over and done.  No discussions about it at home.  Point no 1 is valid and no more questions on that.  Its out of our hands ma, so why discuss about it.

8.  He can choose not to write answers to complete sections in a question paper for no obvious reasons, because he does not feel like answering them.

9.  Reactions to answer sheets bearing 20/20 or 10/50  or 5/ 25   in any subject is similar.  All excitement / frsutation is for Mamma.  Dennu you got full marks in Math today ( Mamma digging his bag) will bring a distant look and yeah, so what? kind of look.  An yelling saying "  What sort of a mark is this Dennu? " will bring the same earlier reaction.  His general policy is Never to be excited in life about marks.

10.  Like most normal mothers, I would ask, Dennu, how much did Abhi get? how much did Rohan / Sam / Eugene get?  and the typical answer would be, Ma, I dont peep into others marksheets.  I only know my marks.  that will not deter me from asking this question again to him during the next examination.


a. Handwriting just does not matter wherever it is written.  I normally call his HW a fowlscratch.
b. For that matter spellings do not matter either.
c. Just the day before his examinations, most of his books do a walkout from his bag. 

You get the general drift to the attitude of my  little one?

So I had to take leave for a month and a half, and sit with him doing absolutely nothing other than make him study for his 10th Standard board exams.  He managed to get 79 percentile and he was very happy with it.

For the higher education, we knew this is not going to work and so we ( read it as most willy parents)applied a different strategy.  We shifted his school  where the new school (aka Jail) will do the job of the parents.  We only had to feed the school with cash.  the rest would be taken care. 

So when the new school commenced, for std XI, I had strict orders from hubby dear not to get invovled in his studies. No more teaching him at home - he has to fend for himself and teaching him bascially is not a scalable model. I agreed to that point, knowing my limitations

Initial couple of months was an emotional struggle for all of us.  New, impersonal and a stricter enviroment is not too kind with a teeenager.  Acceptance does not come easy.  The students have their territorial issues - new gangs, new friendships.  I could see him wilt some days.  All could do was to silently pray for him and talk to him even when he didnt want to.  He used to clam up and breaking into that silence without aggravating the situation was difficult for me.
We had to shift our house cos the distance to the new school was taking a toll on the little one. Within weeks we were into a new house. That made things even worser.  He lost teh neighborhood freinds too.  The school didnt make it easier either for him.   Their regime was tough.We had to find new ways of entertaining him without going overboard.

He would plead to us to put  him back to his old school  where he had his "real" freinds.  We allowed him to visit the old school and freinds once in a while.  We took turns to talk to him and keep him motivated.  Most conversations will end up with - You will never know how I feel.

J & I had debates on whether we are doing the right thing.

I saw the difference in the first six months.  For the second PTA, I couldnt recognise my sons answer sheet bunch.  I took one look at an Immaculately written answer sheet complete with name, roll no, date, neat margins ( that too in two colours) and said no, this is not my sons papers.  The poor teacher kept it back and had to do a good search and again looked at this bunch and said Ma'am but this is your sons papers.  Triust me I teared up  just looking at his answer sheets.  With special permission from the class teacher, I took it home to show it to hubby dear and on the way back home checked it a couple of times again to confirm if it is my sons papers.
From the time he came into Std XII things started to change.  He had a gang of his own.  Talks and conversations about earlier school lessened.  He started to study on his own.  Didnt want me to stay up late with him. He started discussing about what he wants to do in future.  he spoke about his friends' ambitions  and plans.
But, you see, we had 10 plus years of his attitude stuck on to us.  We, the parents, were sceptical.  Not too sure if he will get decent marks. 
Today, as I said earlier, Sonny boys results were announced.
He has scored 85% - making us gasp for breath in disbelief.
From morning Joe and I have been talking to each other atleast 10 times.  ( oh we never do that - once in between in a day would be the max). We are excited.  There are scores of phonecalls congratulating Dennu and ofcourse, us.  I am the happiest woman today - knowing fully well, that 85% is not great marks considering todays competitive world.  But this is GREAT marks for me. for Dennu. He has toiled on his own for this.  Thank God for Big mercies in life.
BTW, Sonny boy as usual is a cool cat. Complete serenity on his face.  A smile.  that got a little larger. thats it. After looking at all his marks for around 5 mins, with no excitement and no noise,  back to his pastime - reading.  
Should check if this guy is into Yoga or Meditation.

ps 2:

Thank you  all for your prayers and well wishes.  Without it I beleive nothing can happen. 

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Six Months!!!

I close my eyes every evening for prayer
Your face comes to my mind
especially when I say the prayers for dear departed
I never miss to tell God about you.

The pain is still fresh, the wounds are raw
and I miss you ever more each passing day
The lump in my throat, when I think of you
does seem to choke me somedays.

You loom large in my best childhood memories
and I feel not many can fathom my loss
the love is deep, the yearning to hold your hands even more
but with you, these are buried.

Why didnt I spend a week with you,
during all those summers when you were alone?
What stopped me from pushing everything else
and coming to you to watch  that wondrous glee?

I hate to step into that house, that I once loved dearly.
Coz when I run in screaming  "Ammmaame..."
you will not be there to ask me " Ethiyo?"
and I wont have anyone to hug and kiss.

Its six months today that you left us
and when I reach there, an empty house will welcome me
but I have a different place to go now.
I will see you at your new home - your Cemetry.

Love you Ammama,