Post Valentines day Special

( a delayed post - better late than never)

I never thought I will come back to you all with yet another post in a day.  Almost like a blog marathon of sorts.  That reminds me I should try one.  That’s one I am going to add in my “To-do-before-I-die” lists.

I had planned and scheduled to meet my bosom friend Petula on Valentines day. It didn’t happen – I couldn’t make it. Mea culpa – didn’t plan my day well and the letting go part that I was mentioning in the earlier post, was a bit heavy on me.  Anyways, we planned it for the next day and got my son to accompany me, which was real good.

So, the Sunday turned out to be a blockbuster Sunday in more than one way.  We cut the valentine cake ( Petula and me) with our brats around clicking photographs and making us laugh with all their comments.  The children are meeting each other after a couple of years, and they hit it off like an house on fire. BTW, Petula, my friend is a mother to a lovely daughter  and 2 naughty boys. The boys ( brats)  were just out of control. Teaching each other stuff that annoyed the mothers and recollecting the nasty tricks they learnt earlier and what not.  Rosann, the daughter was so well behaved.  She always was.

Notice all of us in Blue?  Blue is the colour of Mother Mary of Lourdes and We wore it intentionally!

I realized it was the feast of Our Lady of Lourdes, the church that Petula  belongs to and she wanted me to stay back.  I have attended the church feasts and I am not a great fan of them, ( except in kerala, they are real good) here in chennai they are generally crowded,  too gaudy and definitely not my cup of tea.

I was hesitating until she said I am animating the rosary and I will be doing the introduction for the feast.  Like she told me, Vincy I will be on stage and there was no turning back – I knew she wanted me there.

The church feast normally happens in the church grounds and so I was braced for a dusty evening – only to be proven wrong.  The feast was happening in Railway stadium in Perambur and can you believe there were more than 20,000 people, a Bishop, 40+ priests, 50+ altar boys, 100 plus flower girls all in white, School bands from atleast 3 schools and four large LED screens for the crowds to watch.  The stage itself was almost like a live show stage decorated so well.  It was all so organized that everything went on like clock work.   I was so proud of Petula, when she came on all the LED screens while giving the introduction to the Feast day. Petula had got VIP passes for us and we were in the third row from the stage ( or should I call it altar?) 

Petula doing the Introduction :-) - In the background is the Bishop who is waiting to begin the mass

The massive make-shift Altar!!! 

Infact, during the mass, in an open ground there was so much silence, that praying just happened by itself.  The English  choir was simply superb – They were almost like a rock band.  The songs like “ My God is an awesome God” got me into a trance  J  Since this was a bilingual worship, there was the regional language (Tamil) choir too and the mass itself was in both the languages.  A word about the English Choir of Perambur church – they are one of the best in the city, standing first in many competitions.  Petula herself is one of the key choir members and unlike me, sings very well.  She goes Solo during the prime time of mass on Sundays and for that, one has to be real good. I remember her singing songs like “Lady in Red” and effortlessly touching the high pitch while we were in the hostel.  Another one of my favorites that she used to sing among a lot of others is “ Everything I do, I do it for you”.  

sending up prayers in the form of helium baloons

The celebrations went on and it took us a lot of time to come out of the stadium – I reached home like Cinderella, just before the clock struck twelve.  ( What a comparison!! – oh Vanity is not my virtues definitely) thankfully I had both my shoes on  ha ha ha – You know what? that is another first of its kind in my driving.  Driving so late and I also used GPS for the route.  I wasn’t sure of the route to her house, though I had been there umpteen times before.

The Groupfie!!!

Valentines day Cake cutting amidst a lot of funny noises !!!

Valentines Day!!!

I personally do not believe in special days such as these, but nevertheless, since there is so much hype and ado about these “so-called-Special” days, I was giving it a thought and what this day signifies to me.

 

Well, for a person who remembers the dates so well, ( I remember my close ones birthdays / anniversaries and special dates ) even without a diary or a planner, or the social media sites, that makes these days so impersonal.  I get hundreds of wishes on FB for my birthday, but the calls that some of my loved ones make at probably atrocious time of the day from whichever part of the world they are in, makes my days special.  Some do email / text me, and there are also those who do not even call me, but that does change the way I love them. So, to me, its not these special days coined and marketed so much by the western world that matters the most, but the actual days and incidents that one remembers so well that makes all the difference.

 

For example, I met Joe on September 8^th, at a common friend’s wedding, and this was an arranged meeting. We didn’t even talk to each other.   I never miss that date to wish Joe Happy Anniversary, Anniversary of our first meeting.  Can you believe, I still have the saree that I was forced to wear for that wedding?  I have never worn it after that day, even once in the last 20 + years. I am a sentimental fool that way. So If someone asks me how long have you known a close friend, I would have the exact years that I have known that person – Oh I don’t remember the dates of every Tom, Dick and Harry, whom I meet,   I only remember these of the special ones.

 

That does not mean that I totally ignore these “advertised& marketed-special” days.  I do wish people on these days and there are loved ones who wish me too.  The first one today was from, no not hubby dear, from Anita, my friend, at an ungodly hour of 3.30 am IST, she must have just then woken up in Singapore.

 

The whole point is love need not be expressed just on one specified day, but on all occasions and in multiple ways, not just by saying “ I love you”. 

 

I was pondering over this point and thought, while I await Ramesh’s updates every single day, or when I hope that all is well with him, during  his long haul drive that he has undertaken, that I guess is love for a blog-friend.   or while worrying over Nancy who has not updated her blog for the last 9 months or so, I guess that’s also love.  Wanting to talk to Rekha so much, while I keep piling excuses of all kinds, is another form of love.  Dennu saying to me, have fun ma, I guess is love.  Joe kept calling me so many times, to check if was overdoing my weekly cleaning, today,  I guess that is love. A friend was talking to me some time back about some unfortunate events in her life, and half way through we both were crying and I guess that’s love too.  And to another friend I had to speak my mind and say the decision that she has taken to walk away from marriage, is not right ( and I seem to be the only friend against it)  - I did it out of love for that friend. 

 

Love also need not be an action or a word.  I realize the concern in someone’s voice is love.  a smile / laughter / a wink / a look / a mime / a hug  or a loved one simply being there for you,  all these are statements of love.  someone checking on you asking how your day has been, is love.  Letting go can be love too. Sometimes letting go is the best way to show love.  I did that today, and it hurts, like hell.  And I know for sure I did that out of unconditional love. So many ways in which we can love.

 

Here is a wish to you all,  may we all have enough opportunities to show our love to our dear ones and let us do it as much as we can all through the year, all through our lives. And BTW, Happy Valentines day!!

 

And beātitūdō friends.  It simply means Happiness in Latin.  ( for those who know Bible, I am preparing for my Catechism classes tomorrow, and the topic of my session happens  to be “The Beatidues” )

I did'nt sign up for this!!!!

I was telling you in the last post here how I have signed up for being the Catechism teacher at Church.

It is now mandatory for children who are in school, in every parish to be part of the catechism classes that are organized in the church every Sunday.  The format is very structured, but in certain states like Kerala it runs so beautifully, that a Sunday Catechism is conducted  literally like regular main stream school.  The attendance is marked, every class has a teacher, there is a standard curriculum followed, recommended books, examinations and children need to clear the evaluations, to move from one class to another.  Not so well in any other states I guess.  Chennai is no better.
 

So the whole structure is a little fuzzy and for someone like me who likes being organized and formal, this is a little difficult to handle.  ( I realized I find a lot of stuff that is difficult to handle just last week, but that is fodder for another blog post, maybe)  But I am mentally prepared to manage this and I instruct  myself to fall in place with the madness around these classes when I signed up for this.
 

So today, I walk in for the Catechism class, and I get a message from the senior co-ordinator that two teachers are on leave, and hence between the remaining two of us, we have to manage.
 

And by the way, must be my age, the moment I said I am in for this as a tutor, the senior co-ordinator   at church told me that I have to handle the children coming from the higher secondary classes, and I have been handling the older children till now.  Which means my preparation for the sessions need to real good and I also realized how limited my knowledge is in the religion itself, and I am not mentioning about how much I know of the bible.  Shame on me. My father stands first in Bible Quiz held at a city level, which also includes some nuns as participants and he did that some 7 or 8 years in a row. I digress again.
 

So today while assuring the senior coordinator that I will take care, I realized that the little children, the ones who are in grades  4 and below had no teacher and so I just out of curiosity thought of handling them.
 

First of all I realized if you had to get the attention of these kids, you need to be real good and its not simple.  So I had to add a lot of drama to my sessions. Lots of movements, lot of voice modulation, swaying and headshakes, and using my hands and literally my entire body and all my lessons that I learned over a period of time, as a Learning and Development professional had to put to good use to get it, and I did.
 

As per the lesson plan I had to teach them Creation and once I had their attention, I started telling them the story of creation.   I felt like a pied piper in front of those kids.  They taught me the meaning of optimistic curiosity, pure enthusiasm and sense of wonder -  they were swaying along with me, putting out their hands and loudly emoting when I asked them questions, with eyes that opened out like a saucers when I explained how god created the various animals and living things.  Their Jaws dropped when I narrated how God created Adam from clay and breathed life into him,  and it stayed that way for a long time ( the dropped jaws, open mouthed – you should have seen how cute they looked).  When I told Adam was an unhappy man since he had no company, their brows contracted, lips drooping down and had such a sad face, that I felt no wonder God created Eve for Adam.  And this was so different from the reaction you manage to get out of the grown ups in the IT industry.
 

I was so thoroughly enjoying this and I didn’t see how 45 minutes flew past in a jiffy, leaving me wide eyed, happy, content and blessed.  Infact, I had yet another reason to thank god for, today. Among other things.
 

Now you see, this is not what I signed up for.  :-)

P.S:
Catechism classes : Classes conducted in the churches of predominantly, Roman catholic churches, to teach the principles of christian religion

Parish: A small administrative district in the catholic church typically having its own church and a priest.

Self Realizations

A caveat before we begin - the following is an unedited version of something I scribbled to be posted in my blog and was in the draft till now. It was written sometime Mid November 2014. Stumbled on it just now and posting it in the same rough and ready version.

Many psychometric tests that I have taken has revealed that I am an Introvert – hard to believe for anyone who knows me. I speak dime a dozen and am a big chatterbox. I realized I was a chronic Introvert after I started driving. I enjoy my company so much that the best thing I love doing is talking to myself while I drive and I seem to thoroughly enjoy it. There are times that I even switch off music because I find that intrusive in my conversations with self.

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Mental blocks are the biggest show stoppers I realize all over again. It took me 12 years to get to drive on my own. Today I guess I fairly manage to drive well. 8 months of driving without adding scratches to the badly beaten around car is my testimony. And to think I let my constraints in my mind to rule me for more than a decade, leaves me disgusted.

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It is not easy to let go off these mental blocks – and my life seem to be crowded with them. I was uncomfortable with music while driving. I got into that discomfort zone often and got over that. Wearing sunglasses was a discomfort while driving – have managed to get over that too. I thought I never had the-time to blog. I think this is the most hectic time of my life, a local travel, wedding of a cousin, niece receiving her religious habit, guests, work, an international travel on the cards next week and I still managed to write a post :-)

Yet another mental block busted :-)

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Been a lot on an introspective mood of late – not that am enlightened. I guess it is a grace to get answers for all you seek, and am not yet blessed with that grace. Anyways, I realized that I need to do something more for others, as my list included only stuff I do to please myself and my family. I volunteered to be the Catechism teacher at the Church, which means I need to be an hour and half extra at church every Sunday and consistently be there. prepare for the sessions, read bible and be thorough in the topics etc., All these years my excuse was I have a travelling job, and I may not be able to contribute. But what the heck, If I work a bit more towards being organized a bit, I guess I will work things out. Being a catechism teacher is not an attractive position, and someone who was impressed with my volunteering to a lackluster post, gave my name to be the Youth Representative and so that’s another position that I have taken up. I realize I could squeeze in all this into what I thought was an hectic life that I was leading. Now my introspection is on.

What more could I possibly squeeze in?

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My dad is a great inspiration for me especially for selfless service for others even at the cost of one’s own troubles. And he is pretty religious (that’s a mild term) So the catechism teacher position comes from his life.

What I realized was, the last week, I had to renew my passport which was supposed to expire in a few months and I need to travel in December, I was really hard pressed for time to apply for a new passport and I got in touch with an agent. I had to meet him to show my documents before he accepted money. It was a Saturday, and I had a meeting at church for the youth in the evening the next day I had classes and hence I could not meet this guy. Earlier this guy was particular about verifying the documents. I was explaining my appointments at church and how I cannot forego that, this person softened up immediately and said – Ma’am, you are so particular about church and I know all your documents would be right. I will go ahead and do the required procedures and you come when all your appointments are over.

Little things in life make your faith grow deeper. :-)

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What a person means to me is not equal to what I mean to that person. Some relationships just do not balance out. Another law of nature :-)

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It has always been difficult for me to be away from family – so much for the travelling jobs J and I have. I am going to the US for around 2 weeks in Dec and I am already missing my family. J laughs it off. The baby who made so much fuss for my first international travel, told me to bring as much chocolates as I can and didn’t mention a word about missing me or didn’t bother asking me when I will be back. Life can be cruel :-( and I will see to the two most important men in my life, after I return, suitably :-)

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Solitude

Serenity is thy name

you provide companionship with my own insignificant self

helping me to cherish my own company

an opportunity to belong to myself

with my own thoughts

I exist in the depths of my solitude

dreaming awake

truly living the moments that I want

 

Thy name is bliss

Strength is what I derive to go on in life

when I get time to spend in perfect solitude

million conversations with myself

with no fear of being judged

contemplating the known and the unknown of my mind

Solitude, I submit myself

unto you, and Implore to seek me often.

Ernavur

I am a bundle of nerves today – restless, wretched, perturbed, distraught and what not.  Angry with myself. And that feeling you get when every atom in your body and soul wants to do something and you end up saying just the opposite of it, given the constraints you are in.   I wish I could pour my heart out, since it is a complex story that spans over a decade, I will let that pass. 

But this despair  made me come to my own blog that even I have abandoned for the last few months.  Now that is not new. Abandoning I mean. Coming back is difficult. And I am making an effort.  And I know the few hard earned blogger friends are no more visiting my blog.  When I don’t visit this page,  they don’t have any reason to. right?

This post is about an unusual commitment of a group of childhood friends and one guys’ persistence in making  things work.

Wind back to Circa 1990.

I come from the notorious suburb of Chennai called Ernavur.  Most true blue chennai’ites do not even know this place.  My parents did a good job of shielding us children from the elements of this place which are not praiseworthy.  We studied in schools and colleges far away from North Madras and were monitored on our friendships and were cloistered within our community and to note all of us cousins and friends have done well in life is a great testimony to that.

I remember vividly, in my first job, I was asked by a very senior colleague, while being praised for some good work that I was doing, which place in chennai do I come from. As always I proudly said Ennore ( which is a more popular place than my own place) and he said something like this “Oh God Ennore, I have been there, and what good can come from that place?”  I was instigated and was very young, just out of college so with all that callousness, I looked straight into his eye and said  “Why do you even say that ?  Look at me”  he got the point and I saw my RM brimming with pride at my reply.

So there was this very community that I was referring to, and we had a whole large group of friends and cousins who were very close to each other as we attended similar schools, churches and the same social get togethers such as  weddings and receptions and other community gatherings.

Amongst us was this family who was well off,  4 children, mother in the Gulf as nurse ( big thing those days), and a grandmother looking after the children along with the father.  The second son who was called Kuttan at home, was my age group, and we were good friends.  Kuttan lost his father first when he was in high school and after that there was a series of deaths in his family in a short span like as though someone had cast a spell on this family.  Mother left them followed by the grandmother and the final straw was kuttan’s younger brother Joy, who left them when he was barely 18 or so. Joy was my brothers' age and his good friend.

It was around this time, after Joy’s demise, few of us got together, led by kuttan and we decided that we will spend a day, 26^th of January in memory of Joy at an old age home in Ennore which had around 200 plus inmates, most of whom were physically and mentally challenged. This old age home was run by the congregation of Mother Theresa and the year 1990 we all got together, funded this initiative from our pocket money, and we provided lunch and tea and spent our day with them, talking, singing and dancing and playing skits for the inmates. 

The best part was that we started early in the day, divided ourselves into groups and there were guys who purchased food items, groups that  helped in cutting and cleaning, a cook  who prepared food, and a group of us who distributed the food to the inmates. It was a substantial effort then, and a fulfilling and satisfying  experience for all of us.  Surprisingly, no elders were involved in this initiative, but each of us had a lot of support from our families. We got back the next year with more people and Kuttan was the perseverant guy who kept this going year after year.

Marriage took over me by surprise and I still managed to go in the initial years, and later my priorities shifted with Dennu growing up and my job and even though Kuttan never missed to call me, I couldn’t make it to Ennore  for the last few years.

Fast forward to 26^th January 2015

This year I realized all of a sudden when Kuttan posted a message on facebook that it is our 25^th year and he had a detailed post on how we started this initiative.  I was touched by the post and changed that logo as my facebook profile picture and was also  determined to make it to Ennore, this year. And did keep that promise to myself.
  

The number of inmates in the home have reduced and we did all the stuff we used to do in the past years,  Kuttan and family was present and a lot of new members who help in the initiative were also present. We cooked, we distributed food, we had our children do a lot of stuff that we used to do when we were young and got the inmates to sing and dance and every inmate were given  gifts.  The Joy on the faces of these inmates when they receive a small gift in appreciation to the act they do is beyond what words can express.  Pure bliss.

There were professional dancers and singers who entertained the inmates and it was so nice to meaningfully spend this day at this home. The founder members, we were more than 15 people originally, but only 5 of us were present and we shared our experiences with the gathering.  It was so  humbling just to be there, to meet all of them, get back to the memories of my younger days.  I was so immensely proud of this guy Oommen Abraham ( Kuttan). 25 years of consistence is no joke.

Felt Blessed to have friends whom I can start off with, from where we left, even if it means we are connecting up after years together. And this notorious Suburb in North Chennai,  Ernavur still binds us together.

Putting up some pictures for you to see for yourselves.



There we are, 5 of the founder members & Kuttan is the one in black shirt. 

 

some conversations between us

Every now and then, some of the wisecracks / dialogues between dennu and me, makes me stop in my tracks and later when I remember them brings a warm smile. A few in fact, give me the strength to move on and certain times they are such eye openers. In fact, there are so many that I have forgotten many of them. In an attempt to capture those, I have put down the ones I remember and I will keep putting them down every now and then :-)

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Having returned from a family wedding which I attended alone, I was elaborating about a young accomplished cousin to my boy.

You know baby, he is just not intelligent and smart, he is handsome and is well behaved.

Dennu’s instant response – that’s me four years from now.
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Dennu : Mamma, you are so lucky

Mamma a bit suspicious, looking on

Though you have just one child, you have given birth to a legend..

Mamma taken aback by the covered up self praise
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Mamma is driving to church. Dennu is sitting next to the tensed driver.

Out of the blue a comment from him

Ma, please remember you are driving just a car, not a f16 fighter jet. Its not all that complicated.
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Mamma driving in traffic and dennu’s advice to Mamma

Its just traffic, you are not in war zone
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It so happened that Dennu and I had to go to church (normally it is all 3 of us together). In an attempt to get Dennu to sit in the front pew with me, tried cajoling him, saying, Baby sit with me today please..

Dennu : No ma, sorry I cant. You know, I want people to think you are still single.

Mamma’s jaw dropping moment :-) dennu walking in front of me, turned back and says, Ma, I just paid a compliment and you are supposed to say thank you :-)
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I was driving back from my parents home which is pretty far and suddenly the heavens open up and it was pouring huge bucket drops.

While it was thrilling to drive, I was equally scared. Dennu was sitting with me, enjoying the rain and also had rolled the windows down a bit for the cool breeze to hit his face. On top of all this there was thunder and lightning. I was expressing my fear to dennu and he says, don’t worry ma What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
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I am also thinking he must be watching too many movies :-) am also impressed that he is using the dialogues aptly.

Expect the unexpected :-) :-)

I realized that there are few horror stories that appear in my blog and so here is one for all of you.. at least to me it was.

My life had become so organized that I guess I started casting eyes on myself- how else could I explain what came upon me four weeks ago?

I was regular with my walks, rain or shine, I did it. Even on a Sunday. And I came back so energetic, that I could complete the mundane tasks at home with a song on my lips. The cupboards were organized, laundry done, the cleaning schedule went on without a glitch and my house was sparkling clean, my garden was coming up so well, my fishes were happy, I was running errands without any dependencies cos I was driving and could get everything in order, no backlogs, and I thought I was completely in control.

And it happened. And I didn’t see it coming.

On 26th of July, Saturday, I started my day as usual at 5.30 am, and by around 5.45 I was all set for my morning walk. I was walking out and I heard Joe’s alarm ringing in the living room – it was kept there unusually for charging. I peeped into the bedroom and saw J sleeping and knew he will wake up soon, and so closed his bed room door quietly and switched off the alarm left his mobile in the living room and off I went for my morning walk.

I was crossing the busy highway, which I have crossed so many times – been living there for more than a decade. I almost finished crossing and reached the other side of the road and …..

I realized a two wheeler hitting my leg, I was in air for a few seconds, thrown up a couple of feet and fell in a heap. I thought I was done. I was conscious and I had people gathering around me. I was in shock and was completely disoriented. I repeated Joe’s number again and again to the crowd around and he was not picking the call. Remember the phone was in the living room?

Someone offered water to me, I couldn’t get up from the road I was still sitting there and around 20 odd people looking around and doing nothing. I heard a voice behind me, saying, I know this madam and where she lives. By then there was a cop who called for a rick to take me to the hospital, which was bang opposite this spot where I fell. Till J came in 10 minutes later I had experienced the most lonely moments of my life in a crowd and by then an hour had passed.

After a day in Trauma ICU, and two days in the normal room, and countless tests later, the hospital figured out that they cannot extract anything more from me and declared me under the category “not a patient “ ( this was the words of the physio therapist who helped me walk in the hospital). Thankfully for me there are no fractures or any need for a surgery, which disappointed the hospital quite a bit.

I had muscle injuries and blood clots all over my body and lots and lots of small bruises. I was advised rest and elevation of my right leg so that the swelling subsides. It must have been the exercise and diet that I was following in the last 4 to 5 months, my recovery has been pretty fast. Its been three weeks since I have been working from home, recouped quite a bit, though I am left with remnants of the accident in the form of scars (thankfully all of them are small and not visible at first sight).

I remember telling J in the hospital that things could have been much worse, if not for the Lord holding me in his hands when I went up in air during the accident and the blood clots are the marks of his hand holding me. Though staying positive with nagging pain is an arduous task.

Today I am thankful that I am able to breathe, walk, see normally for the gift of life and sanity. The awareness of what could have happened keeps me in a blessed state. I pray more for the people who are experiencing the appalling war conditions in different parts of the world, the countless children, women, seniors and all others on whom physical and mental pain is inflicted in the name of war for no fault of theirs. I continuously pray for the sick who are suffering in hospitals, the ones who lack financial aid for their cures and the ones who have no one to care for. My own pain has made me aware of those around me.

I am still in the quest for the lesson that I have to take from this incident. Why did this happen to me?

P.S:

• The guy who recognized me was our neighbors driver – I again see Gods hand there. He normally comes around 10 every morning and that particular day was asked to come earlier and was passing by when this accident happened. We got to know all this when our neighbor told us this.
• I am much better now though I haven’t started on my regular routines as yet. It may take a couple of more weeks.
• Thank you all so much – I truly believe it is a lot of prayers and well wishes that saved me.

Driving my way into Spirituality

I was not aware if Driving and Spirituality are connected, but the way I started with driving, I was pretty sure it was.

In the initial days of my driving alone to office, I stood in front of our altar at home everyday, begging Jesus to come with me in the car. I guess he obliged, and I also believe he was the one who drove the car instead of me. Sounds funny right? Before turning on the ignition, I tell Jesus that I am not going to drive, it is he who is driving, so take the complete responsibility.

Every move, every turn, every maneuver, was prefixed with a mild Jesus (which sounded like Jeez) and in crowded and some difficult areas, it became multiples of 2 or 3 or 5 depending on how scared I was. I don’t know if anyone would understand this, but those initial days I was shitting bricks. And then there are times when the difficulty levels were so high, on the road that calling Jesus in multiples of 5 would not suffice and I had to resort to the Malayalam version of the Lords Name, “Eeshoye” which meant I reached my saturation point after which I will lose all control of myself.

I used to call Jesus so much that I truly believed at one point, that out of frustration, he will appear and shock the daylights out of me.

Having not got used to listening to music in the car yet, for obvious reasons like not losing control of the important sounds ( read honking and other noises that need my attention) the music system is normally not switched on. Though I am fine with people talking while in the car, thanks to my driving instructor, Mohan Master, who spoke dime a dozen, to a point that his conversations were a distraction while driving.

Oh and this needs a special mention - I have a particular pair of shoes that I normally drive in, which is flat and something that I cannot wear with most of my clothes that I go to office in, and the car at times looks like a shoe godown, I might end up having more than a few pairs of other shoes that I change into when I get off the car. That’s beside the point though.

So within the confines of the car, I am alone and the only thing that I focus on are my conversations with my Lord. And I think the conversations that I have with Jesus during the drive are the most honest, most intense and that’s why I probably been able to drive, and am able to get out of the fear of driving.

The first week of driving, and my fear was at its peak, the only thing that I kept coming to me once I reached office was, I have to drive back home and once back home, the whole night I was petrified about driving to work the next day. I continued my dialogue with God and continuously conversed with Him to get over this fear. As usual I went to church that Sunday, In fact, Joe made me drive to Church.

My prayers were intense than usual and I in all earnestness laid down in front of Altar all the doubts and fears that I had and told him He has to help me get over the fear of driving.

During the Eucharistic ceremony of the mass, this is where the bread and wine are distributed to the congregation as the body and blood of Christ and the song played by choir was one of my favorite.

The song begins like this,

                      O the word of my Lord

                      Deep within my being,

                      Oh the word of my Lord,

                      You have filled my mind.

As usual I was singing this song along with the choir, of course loudly, and then there was this para where the Lord spoke to me directly. He couldn’t have said this any more directly than this and the para goes like this.

                       And everywhere you are to go

                       My hand will follow you;

                       You will not be alone.

                       In all the danger that you fear

                       You’ll find me very near,

                       Your words my own.

By the time I reached the last line of this para, I was crying. I do not know if this makes sense, but I felt that while I called out to him in my helplessness, He strengthened me through these words.

Glad that Driving has helped me get one step closer to God.

P.S:

I am gotten over the fear of driving now, well almost.

I still pray before I drive.

I still converse with Jesus during the drive.

I still do not switch on any music. Yet.

In tribute of the love you guys show me dear Ramesh and Rekha

I am such a lousy blogger and yet the love I get from my blog friends, especially Ramesh and Rekha has been tremendous.  I read your comments for the earlier post and I thought I should put this down for you :-)

This one is for the encouragement you give me to blog more :-) 

There is a recent, new found Joy in my life, which has been pending to be a post for a while :-) as usual.

Infact, from the day one, of finding this out, I have been planning on writing a post about this, but by now, you must be quite aware of my skills in procrastination and my wayward ways of coming up with a post.

Every morning for the last three or four months, I wake up at 5.30 am – yes I know it is an ungodly hour, but if there is a will there is a way :)

In around 10 – 12 minutes I am all ready to go for my Morning Walk , a time I spend with my own thoughts, converse with myself, thank god for all the mercies I have received in life and generally do some introspection.

It all started when J and I thought whatever we little we ate was just accumulating in the wrong places on our bodies and our lack of exercise was showing up much more than ever. We decided to go for brisk morning walks everyday.

And then we went around for almost a month trying out different routes around our place for a peaceful walk and from where our house was located to anywhere close to 6 – 7 kms was chaotic traffic, narrow roads and walking was a herculean task. And this was at around 5.45 am in the morning. 300 meters from our home is a national highway where vehicles in their maddening rush to reach destinations, and also taking advantage of the lean traffic in the morning, speed past creating a racing scene. Coming back home alive and in one piece was becoming an every day achievement. And moreover we felt more hassled than relaxed. We continued our pursuit for a quieter place for a walk and then we found this blissful route completely out of the blue.

Somehow, with all his reviews / intermittent official trips that he takes, J lost interest and dropped off from this routine, but will join me once in a while. now and then.

This place where I go for a walk now is approximately little over a kilometer from my place and once I enter the route it is pure Joy. Peace takes over, allowing me to linger on some natural sounds of some unknown birds and insects, warm sunshine, and fragrance of a variety of wild flowers along the path, setting in serenity and giving the much needed replenishment to continue through the day.

I guess this walk way comes under the jurisdiction of the Officers Training Academy, Chennai as I hear the soliders shouting in cadence while marching, as I walk along, and I also see some of the uniformed officers in bikes, sometimes in horses and sometimes they ride together in bicycles / motorcycles as part of their daily routine in a road perpendicular to the road that I take.

It is so amazing, for a while I forget that i live in a Metropolitan city. I will stop here and put up some pictures  to do further talking.



River on my right side, thick grwoth of tress and bushes on the left side, thats how this path starts and this is how the skyline is on some days.



My feet - enjoying the walk



The rustic walking track

Isnt this place asking you walk more?



The picture says it all!!



Wild flowers on a particular strech in the walkway

Most part of the walk way is lined with this wild flowers - miles and miles of it.

a close up shot of these wild flowers - arent they pretty?

A little of this and a little of that – in my life

I woke up with an early morning call today. The caller was from another end of the world, the person very close to me. Someone who I can call in the middle of the night, without thinking twice and doubly sure will pick my call up. The voice was ecstatic and told me that her first born has completed his engineering degree. She then started crying and told me how I have been her support all along. Beyond that I could not decipher much because by then she was sobbing. I just listened, few words were making sense and I realized that it is important just to hang in there on the line. Anyways I understood what she was saying.

I tried reassuring that she was a great mom and how she has been my inspiration all along, but she continued sobbing and words mired into the sob. After I kept the phone down I realized my cheeks were wet and I couldn’t stop crying myself. I didn’t know why I was crying – I only know I felt so good crying along with her. I knew even after the phone was disconnected, she must have been crying.

She seems to have actually sent a mail first before calling me, and here is the excerpts from the email. And now those bits and pieces of words that she was trying to string together came to me :-)

Siddu has completed his Engineering. I got the information early this morning. I wanted to share this happy news and this moment with you . I still remember us going to St.Joseph’s to check out on the college. Thank you for being such an integral part of my life . For being there and supporting me when I needed support most or just a person who I could share my worries, fears, happiness and joy without any inhibitions .

While feeling on top of the world, I also need to tell her that I am so lucky to have her as my friend.

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A Young management trainee, smart and intelligent one at that, who was part of our team, is leaving the organisation. She was not my reportee, but I had to work with her without a reporting managers’ clout. We had real good fun working together.

As is the practice there was a lovely common mail sent to everyone in the team including me and she sent an individual mail to me.

Brought a smile to my face and thought of sharing it with you.

Here’s something I wanted to tell you before I become too emotional and delirious -

Vincy, you’ve been a breath of fresh air for me in a team like XXXX. You are someone I look up to, and someone I aspire to be. You’ve always guided and supported me and have ensured we have fun along with work.

Thank you for telling me I couldn't leave when I broke the news to you about my resignation. That certainly made me feel special and appreciated! Also, thank you for always having such an upbeat attitude. I've never seen you in a grumpy mood or act irritated or impatient with anyone. Every time I see you, you have a smile on your face and a cheerful comment. Keep up the positivity!

The chapter of our lives where we work together might be over, but this certainly isn't the end of our friendship. I’ll miss you loads. Take good care of yourself  :-)

I am going to miss this girl a lot:-)

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I have lived most of life along the coast of Bay of Bengal and I have good memories of the beach. I was in a conference that warranted my stay at a sea side resort and beach brought back some lovely memories of the seaside. It also brought memories of a friend who loves the sea. I messaged this friend about how sea brings

the memories of our friendship, and guess what? absolutely no response from my friend.

I was upset but my work for the conference didn’t allow me to wallow in this thought.

I got a message this morning ( after close to three weeks),
 “ saying that it reminded you of me, because it was fishy? "

Now that’s a perspective. And a good joke. Just that it took a long time to reach me. Laughing at the myriad set of my friends and their oddities :-)

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