I do not bear witness to this very often, but I do have these little conversations with God and there are signs that I see during my really troubled times( literally in black and white like for example verses on a car’s rear) that without a doubt confirms to me, that it is an answer from him for the nagging questions I ask him. Sometimes the answers are so precise, that I have to look no further.
I remember writing a post on it here where I heard Him speak to me through the song in the choir. There are other times when I am down and all sunshine drained out of my life and my favourite song plays in the choir. It instantly peps me up and life becomes all normal. If God is there for you who can stand against you.
So there I was, last week in church at my lowest. I was feeling so unworthy of myself to be there in the presence of Lord for an obvious mistake also from my side, I had a bad scene with a friend and decided it was good for me not to continue the friendship, with all the sudden negativity it generated. Losing the friend was itself a blow in the first place, and then the way it all panned out and my part in that made me feel so miserable and low.
There were a lot of possibilities, which I was not willing to look into and all I felt initially was just numbness. I so desperately wanted to cry and could not. The normal loud voice wouldn’t come out during the singing or praying and I was silent. I couldn’t go in for communion either. And I decided that it was certain that God will reject my prayers. I didn’t even pray except a feeble prayer for forgiveness.
The first reading, second reading, sermon, Communion, songs and I got no special messages. I confirmed to myself that even God doesn’t want me.
Special prayers over, final blessing and final song nothing that caught my attention.
The final “Mass is ended. Go in Peace” appears on the LCD screen that projects prayers and songs. I am heartbroken assuring myself God does not want to communicate with me.
And then I see the LCD screen changing.
My case rested. :-) :-) :-) but I had difficulty controlling my tears.