The therapy that was

I have been wanting to write to you all about this for sometime now. Like everyone of my posts that take its own course of time, this one also did. Thankfully, it made it to the virtual world.

When I ushered in 2019, I looked at this virtual space as my therapy, and boy, it did live up to it.  Every one of you, you came in and read me, did.  Some stretched a bit and left me all those loving comments, some made me laugh and it all worked. Worked like magic.

2018 was nothing short of a disaster for me and family.  I did write about the surgery that I had to undergo last year.   So, when I came in to my virtual space in Jan 2019, I was literally at my lowest.   Physically, mentally and every other way.  But I was determined to get out of it, in style

The comprehensive health checkup in September 2019 was more than mandatory and thankfully I cleared it all.  I am at my healthy best right now, but a conversation with a doctor changed the way I look at my health.  So this doctor was going through my records, and asked me so what surgery did you go through last year.  A hysterectomy and an oophorectomy due to an ovarian tumour, I replied.  He casually asked me the next question, which slapped the daylights out of me.  So, how many Chemo’s did you go through?  None, mine was a benign one, was my response.

That question also reminded me how lucky I was to get away with it.  Pretty close.  

While I got a bit lucky there, the surgery left my body reckless.   It was as though my body lost its control on itself – physical and emotional.  The changes were apparent as soon as I got back home from the hospital.   Panic attacks and hot flashes /sweats became the norm.   Lack of sleep and depression were my new friends. A sudden sense of fear, as if I heard a terrible news of losing a loved one, along with accelerated heart beat would wake me up from sleep.  Falling asleep after that was difficult.  At least a couple of times in the night and few times during the day.  I read up and recognized those as Panic attacks. Hot flashes were more interesting, with the AC switched on, and when everyone is feeling normal, I would sweat like a pig, drenching myself as if I just went under a shower head.  This for a person, who would normally not sweat at all, was unbearable. The best is there were no short cuts to all these, had to just endure them.

I was upset, angry and the normal Why me ?  questions.  Answers were never easy, and the universe forced me to find it myself.  I read and read and read all about my conditions.  Medical science offered HRT, Hormone replacement therapy, which had more cons than the pros.  That’s when I decided I will chalk out my own therapy and here is what I did.

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I had my space and had a set of wonderful folks like you and I decided to come in here.  And if you read my first post of the year, here, I have clearly mentioned that I am coming here for my own reasons.  and sure enough, this turned out to be my best therapy.  I have written around 30 posts this year and yes each one has been a potion to my troubled head. Every comment that you left me, helped me move forward, slowly.  And as I key this in, I am tearing up.

Walking / Zumba and physical fitness
I got back to my walking trail and walked as if my life depended on it.  In fact, it did.  I rejoined my Zumba classes at work and went without skipping it 3 times a week.  My sleep improved when I danced and also started a small funcitonal training routine after my every day walk, which kind of helped my body secrete all the right hormones.  In January 2019, I had clocked more than 2 lakh steps on my pedometer and I have maintained it almost every other month.

Theatre

Took up a theatre assignment, and performed the role of Leanardo cianculli, in spite of the schedules and yes it helped.   My gals were there for me in person, to cheer me along and to tell me I was the best.  It did so much good in my healing.

Garden

My plant babies and fishes were a great distraction.  Hand painting my pots and repotting the plants and seeing them grow made me a wonderful plant parent.  I could watch the fishes for hours together, when I found time and they were healing me too – have you heard of the Japanese peering into their Koi fish tank and attaining nirvana?

Designing clothes

Distracting my head was paying off, so I was lapping up stuff that I once did and ditched.  Designing clothes was one of my favorites and  couldn’t pursue it as finding a good tailor is an arduous task. I explained my ideas to my existing tailor and he started doing well.

Travel

This year probably is the most travelled year – starting with Dubai for our anniversary, Wayanad, Vietnam with the gals, Auroville, Tada falls not including my business trips, I set my heart to enjoy the world so I would distract it as much I can.  And it did work

Little DIYs around the house

Like a brick wall that J and I created together at the altar at home, or plans for the plate wall that we are yet to put up, the Yaazhi’s as the entrance décor to the washing area – Yes they all added to the therapy

My diet had more fruits, nuts, and seeds to it and everything that would stabilize my body temperature.  Friends pitched in and helped.  They checked in on me and I knew I could count on them anytime.

In spite of all the efforts, there were times I was getting out of control and I did talk to a doctor.  She listened to me and said you have taken all efforts to minimize the effects of the surgery and an HRT would have done only this with lesser impact.  I would use you as an example to my patients in controlling the after effects of a surgery.   You don’t need a treatment Vincy.

In the meantime, the intensity of the hot flashes, panic attacks have come down.  I do sleep better these days and so, here I am folks, at the end of the year,  baring it all for you and thanking you from the virtual world for being my successful therapy. I have healed because of each one of you and I cannot thank you all enough.  Love you.