Guess what my most often made trips are? you will be surprised to know. Infact, I astonish myself most of the time taking these trips.
Oh.. not the ones that any of you have guessed - they are my nasty guilt trips. ( a result of conjured up imaginations in my idle mind )
As a working mother I beat my consience to death most of the time with these guilt trips about how I have not been able to spend time with sonny boy when he was young and I fight these ghosts in my mind quite often. I have never been home (unless i am sick, in which case, there is no point being home - I normally take off when I cannot even crawl out of my home for work) when the little one came back - he lived his entire childhood school days in a creche' (thankfully we found a decent place near home). And i silently whack myself in my thoughts if his performance is not upto the mark or for that matter anything to do with him.
So, when he was in Std X, I took a whole 45 days off from work for his exams and spent time with him. Not that he enjoyed it, but to me it was Manna from heaven. So much time with him making sure he eats, not get distracted, working with him on his study schedule and taking breaks along with him, pepping him up and trust me I knew the entire 10th grade study portions. No I am not exaggerating. I knew it so well actually I wanted to write the 10th grade exams again.
Sonny Boy though thinks otherwise. He says I tortured him to the core, never allowing him to sleep or to be on his own. He once had the nerve to tell me, Mamma, the way you tortured me, I was thinking I should not write what i know in the exams so that i fail in one subject. ( just to teach me a lesson)
Ahhh... My Jaw dropped when i heard that and I was wondering if I overdid my part during his exams that he had to feel this way.. Thankfully no such thing happened and later once ( just once) he did mention vaguely that he got whatever marks he got because of me too.. :-0. and also very meekly confessed to me that he studied only during those one and a half months. That does not change his opinion on my torture though.. I am in complete awe of him that he managed to get 80 percentile in his exams just by studying during those one and a half months.
Anyway, Sonny boy has grown up a wee bit more now, responsible and with hubby dear strictly against me sitting with him for his studies, has been on his own in his 11th and 12th grade. With a change in school, ( he calls his school a substation of central Jail) things are looking up.
With the 12th grade final exams fast approaching, ( March 2013), surreal tension is mounting for me. Oh no my son is as cool as a cucumber, hubby dear tells me not to sweat the small stuff - but to me, everytime I think about his final 12th grade exam a little storm builds up in my head. there is a knot in the pit of my stomach, which I try not to show to anyone at all ( except to you all).
Last week, after adequate preparations to sound cool, I casually asked Sonny Boy, By the way, Dennu, do you think Mamma has to take off from work for your final exams? Do you think it will help? Fully hoping an over dramatised " No Mamma ... Pleasseee dont....." .. coming from him. I was a little taken aback by his unusual silence. He then told me, yeah ma, I think so. It will help, so that I wont get distracted. I wont need you to teach me or to work with my schedules, but just be around here".
I wanted to run to him give a huge bear hug and dance with him. I did none of that - I hid my astonishment and told him "Yeah baby, I will check if I can work from home" as casually as possible, amazed at my ability to hide my emotions. Inside I was jumping for joy and did a 100 sommersaults and felt like I atoned my purpose in life.
This is what I call Serendipity folks. Do you agree?