The making of a man

Life is one of the greatest teachers (not always the gentlest) that any of us have witnessed.  We can  win, lose, stumble, fail, rejoice and life continues to give us the lessons that we need to take in and move forward.

Most often than not, we have read about great men and how their childhood or their circumstances shaped them to be what they are. And these real life stories are in hindsight or a perception after an incident / series of incidents.

Much to my surprise I was part of the unfolding of some events  which held the story of a boy becoming a man.

Kevin is my sons’ classmate.  A boy any parent would love to bring up – well behaved, most of the time seen around with parents, topper in class, respectful, articulate, calm and composed to cite a few qualities of the boy. ( and I am omitting a lot more that I know of, like he has such impeccable handwriting, his notes are so well maintained, attends mass along with his parents in the front pews of the church, he goes up to the altar to do readings during mass etc., etc.,)

I have known Kevin for probably the last 10 to 12 years especially when he was in the high school, I used to help him with Science and Mathematics, while I taught my own boy.

I did lose touch with Kevin for a couple of years when we shifted our boy to another school in the city, but quickly got back in touch with him as soon as we returned to the locality after my son's higher secondary education. In my conversations with Kevin, after our return, I was sad to learn Kevin’s grades were lesser than my sons’  and I kept repeating to Dennu that Kevin would have scored much better he had changed his school.  Kevin and my son go to the same college these days, though they are in different Engineering Streams.  

Anyway, Kevin’s father passed away due to some ailments on 25^th of April 2016 and it was  a rude shock to all us.  Kevin is an only child and his mother a housewife and his father was young. Must be in his early 50’s. 

I had decided to spend time with their family, since I knew them well and also because they are our church members and I represented the youth leader of the church committee.  His mom was thoroughly distraught and was totally shaken. I was watching Kevin  as he was making decisions, making sure everything was taken care of, right from paying for the ambulance, getting the permission for cemetery space, informing the funeral timing to the priest to making all other necessary arrangements. 

What flabbergasted me was the lack of support Kevin received from his close relatives and the poor boy was running all errands, small and big, to get  things done. And none of his relatives seemed to care.   Even to a trip to the church, Kevin would come out of the house and look at his friends and I had to get a couple of friends, who had a vehicle to go with him to complete the tasks.  In some occasions I had to call J, who really likes Kevin a lot, to take him around.

The evening of 25^th April, J and I were taking Kevin to the church so that the priest and the catechist are informed about the funeral timing.  Normally this is informed by the elders in the family, but in Kevin’s case, he was doing it.  While we were waiting for the priest, Kevin told me that he wants to sing during the funeral mass, a set of songs that his father likes and so after Kevin confirmed the timing of the funeral, I informed the catechist that Kevin would do the singing.  Peter, our catechist was more than happy to have an helping hand, as the funeral masses do not  have the presence of  altar boys or girls and he ends up doing all the work.

The next day after many confusions the funeral mass started with Kevin’s entrance hymn and the entire congregation had tears in their eyes hearing Kevin’s voice and the lyrics of the songs.  The entrance hymn lyrics translated to “ Give me your peace at my darkest hour”.  Kevin sang solo, all the rest of songs too, and he sang so well,  and continued to tug at the heartstrings of the people gathered for the funeral.  In between the mass, he also read the Gospel reading and while I was listening to his composed voice, with a steely grit, there was this thought that was running in my mind - this is the making of man. This boy is going to do extremely well in his life.

Kevin continued to stay strong until the end, supporting his mom and making sure every ceremony was going on right. 

My prayers were with the boy whom I had known all these years and I was certain that our good Lord will shower upon him all the blessings to do well in life. 

A humble request to anyone who reads this post – say a little prayer for Kevin.  Ask the almighty for strength and wisdom for this boy to do well, learn the ropes of life and excel in anything that he does for he has lost his biggest support in life, his father.

Fighting the ghosts in my mind

We all have these monsters in our head that keeps giving us the wrong messages time and again. The funny part is we would listen to those voices and believe them so much that we defy common sense and fall prey to their words - such is the power of these monsters.

Recently, after a 12 year long light with those unknown ghosts in my mind, I finally overcame them and got back to my senses.

Truly a moment of great achievement in life and how can I not share it with you all?

I first went for my driving classes after much persuasion from J, enrolled into a popular  institute in chennai and didn’t complete the course. The driver was a rude fellow, with absolutely no respect for other human beings and at the slightest mistake would be screaming at me. With great difficulty I put up with him for around 9 days or so. One day in the middle of the road, I stopped the car, yeah in the middle of the road, somewhere near T.Nagar, in moderate traffic (thankfully) and told to him to mind his words and also remember telling him, experts would never come to learn from him, and I have come because I don’t know how to drive. I don’t think anyone has spoken to him that way, I still remember the shell shocked expression on his face and also remember he didn’t speak a word for the rest of the class. But I stopped going for the class.

Didn’t think of driving for another 7 years, and again after some goading from J, enrolled into yet, another driving institute, luckily this time, I had a very good instructor and I cleared my driving tests, in the first attempt itself. Didn’t feel too good about getting the license though, because I still was too unsure of myself when it came to driving.

I attempted to drive a couple of times with the help of some drivers later and sometimes with J, but didn’t get into full fledged driving. In 2011, I remember telling J that I want to drive and I need him to come with me so on a Sunday afternoon took the car and drove for around 9 to 10 kms. J was impressed, and said I was driving smoothly. And then it happened. I was taking a small road and had to take a left turn and instead of applying the brake, stepped on the accelerator, thankfully in first gear, and banged on a stationary wall and gate and damaged the front bonnet of our car. I also broke a small portion of the gate too. ( nothing to be feel proud of, just keeping you all posted !)

J got out of the car with a smiling face, and said, why don’t you get down, I will drive. And didn’t say anything else. I wished he said something angrily to me which he didn’t till date. My fear increased multi fold after that incident and didn’t feel like driving again.

Two years went past and the longing to drive returned, but I did nothing about it. It was during this time, I was given an intro about a driving instructor who specializes in making sure women who have licenses can drive. I told myself this is my last chance and went ahead and called this person and he agreed to tutor me. I am planning to write down my experiences with Mohan master in separate blog post and so we will look at it later. I went with him for around 12 classes and after a while I felt I was making no progress at all. Mohan master is a deeply religious person and during the month of March he undertook a pilgrimage to the Himalayas, ( look what I am capable of – I made my instructor take a trip to the Himalayas all the way from chennai – that’s how good I am in driving) and my sessions had to break inbetween. A good friend offered to come with me, to and fro from the office, for few days until I am confident about driving. Poor soul. I developed dependency on him and felt if he is around I would drive. It so happened one of the days, last Friday to be precise, he had to work from another office and called up in the morning to tell me that. I made up my mind to take my usual rick, and was telling that to J, when he said, nothing doing, please take the car. Worse come worse you will bang somewhere, but for the speed with which you are going, you will not harm anyone Vincy.

Armed with confidence from my dear hubby, I drove alone. Voila!!!Yes I DROVE on my own. Without any incident. And I drove back home too that evening.

Folks I have been driving on my own now this last week. I also took a complete detour from my office yesterday – had to finalise a venue for our team meeting and have a look at it, so I drove to the hotel, parked the car and finished my work and came back home on a completely new route that I had not driven before.

If you ask me if I am feeling good, yes I am. Mighty thrilled that I can drive. Especially when I drove on cathedral road, the road that I am so familiar with ( My college where I did my UG is there), felt so damn good. but am I enjoying the drive, not yet. I am a bit tensed, worried and instead of driving pleasure I sure do go through Driving Pressure. But I am certain I will get over it.

The most important thing is I am able to drive and that is all that matters right now.

你想念我 (Nǐ xiǎngniàn wǒ?)

For seemingly simple questions of life in general, there are no easy answers, worser still, there are no answers at all.

Do any of us have answers for these atrociously simple questions?

Which came first Chicken or Egg?

Why is Yawning contagious?

or Why didn’t I blog so long?

So, you get the point right? Just like you, I do not have answers for any of these questions.

While I faintly considered options of quitting, the lure of each one of you who come in here and read me, and those who also leave me such wonderful comments, didn’t help me visualize that as a great choice. Just a while ago, with absolutely nothing in mind for a blog, I decided to get back here and make a fresh new start ( well almost). Don’t they say, Better later than Never?

And so folks, here I am with a heart full of wishes and prayers that we continue to do well in whatever we do, this year too. Happy New Year to you all.

As I keyed in these words, I am feeling absolutely silly for even have thought of quitting as an option.

For those you are wondering what the title of this blog is, its yet another simple question, which asks you “ Did you Miss me ?” in Chinese.

Please say YES in a language of your choice :-)

Did I really do that?

I walked into an art supplies store today to pick up some art supplies (obviously – what else can you pick up from there). Just realized that I needed something to enhance my spirits and I know art is something that truly can uplift my soul. That reminds me I need to put up a post on my completed glass painting as I had promised in the post here.

Since I dropped into the store after work and I was a wee bit delayed, I was, kind of  in a hurry to complete my purchases and get back home to my son. I had not planned for this trip in the morning and thought I should finish picking up the art stuff quickly. As usual the art supplies brought in the much needed excitement and even the names of colours that I was reading out from the list that I had, Prussian blue, Sap Green, Chinese white, Gaurboge hue was giving me the adrenalin rush and I was making multiple sales people get me stuff at the same time. Completely involved in the whole process.

Amidst my running around the store, I heard a childs laughter in the background. Crystal clear, sharp and quite focused. Remember I was busy, so I didn’t have the time to look at the child, I went about my business of choosing my stuff. Burnt Sienna, scarlet lake, Crimson my list was rolling … Happy with the progress, I was now hurrying up the sales people even more. Then I needed to choose my canvas and the measuring and cutting  was delaying me further.

Through the corner of my eye, I saw the father of the child carrying the little one and the little one was obviously happy at being in the store. The art supplies store also had some toys and they were asking for some specific type of Gun and in the background again I had the child squeeling about the toy he had asked for. The sales girl had just told them that specific toy was available.

I continued with my lists, was checking if I had all the supplies in place, circling the ones in my list, that the store asked me to come back later, and I heard the child say, again in the background – “ I also know to speak in English, wasn’t that English you all are speaking?” The child was saying this in the local language. I still didn’t look at the child.

Jus then the store owner walked in and started speaking in Malayalam and I wasn’t keen on wasting time, so I kept to my English and less of Malayalam so that my business will get over. The child spoke again – “But I do not know Malayalam” in a crisp voice. Now I really didn’t have the time it was getting delayed, my 15 minute business was taking more than 40 minutes.

So I was hurrying up the billing guy to finish up my billing. Just then the father muttered something to the child, while interacting with a salesgirl, and they both left the shop.

My billing was going on and one of the sales girls was telling the billing person “Did you notice that the child was blind in both the eyes”?

The world stopped around me for a moment. I hadn’t noticed. I was so involved in myself that I didn’t bother looking at a small child who was blind. The child was sounding so happy chattering away and here I was only bothered only about “ ME”. The sales girl continued “he is studying in the first standard and sounds so intelligent”

I could have spoken to the child, told an hello, shown some care to a little one who cannot see. I was so engrossed with myself and all the little messages of a simple child just didn’t touch me – they were so close, so clear, and yet I was deaf and mute to all that.

Somehow the laughter and voice of that little one continues to ring in my ears, reminding me of how I need to move the focus away from myself and take time to look around at what life has to offer :-(

Trying to get it off my chest !

I read this somewhere recently, definitely in the virtual space and it instantly tugged at my heart strings.  It persistantly stayed on, appearing from nowhere into my thought streams every now and then quite annoyingly and just does not go away from the back of my mind.

Putting it down here as an effort to get it off my head and..hmmm.. my heart as well.

" Why am I worried about losing you when you are not even mine? "