Friday, July 03, 2009

Bubble

I realised i have been living inside a bubble..

The funniest part of this is all along i knew that i am living inside this volatile bubble, but i have been living in denial. Denial of the truth and living in an imaginary cosmos. Innumerable number of occasions i have debated with myself that the truth is far from what is being actually told. I refused to accept the obvious and took shelter in this bubble time and again, even when it caused immense pain.

I am just looking deep into this pieces of my bubble ( after the fact that it finally burst) and am coming to the realization ( or I did have this realization all along) that this only had caused heartaches that I went through in solitude in exchange to shallow happiness in life. I am even surprised how I have managed to accomplish (whatever little i have accomplished), so long with all this in the background.

Did I very naively believe that this bubble actually helped me move along in life? I think so...... Now I realize that I have ( always had) enough inner strength and sense to go on in life without these crutches, which I thought were life support. How easily can some of these insignificant and baseless beliefs become part of your very existence?

It is a great revelation that as time goes by, I am still where I started believing in the basics, whereas the environs outside my bubble have moved on in life as if nothing has happened... Am I stupid, silly, idiotic or don’t I simply understand these norms of this greater expanse of universe? Now I am left with bitterness knowing the truth fully well.

Is it because that I am sincere in each little thing that I take up? Is it because that I think within the box? Is it because my exposure is limited? Is it because I am sensitive to these little issues? Is it because I am constantly looking for that something in life, which I probably missed ? Is it because I do not have the maturity of the mind? Is it because I am not thinking beyond myself? Beyond my small defined circle?

What is it that makes me, this person that I am?

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