Terribly Tiny Tales

As a Leadership coach and Trainer, TTT meant only Train the Trainer until a pretty young girl, named Zarna whom I happened to meet a few weeks back, told me about terribly tiny tales. She is a PETA activist, a sincere vegan and an aggressive crusader of animals, environment and nature.

Its amazing to read these terribly tiny tales, some are heart wrenching and they inflict deep sense of emotions in the reader.   TTT is an attempt to cut the long story short, literally, and an attempt at saying stories in less than 2000 words.

By the way, am I introducing the concept of  terribly tiny tales to any of you? any fans around for ttt? Banking on you readers and your support, I tried my hand at it.   heee - haaw :-) so here we go !!

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I don’t like anyone jumping on my bed, the aunt said.

But I am not anyone, I am family.  So you will allow me, won’t you?  The niece replied innocently.

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Tell us your secret about being so happy, a colleague wondered.

She smiled happily in the knowledge that only her pillow case has felt her tears.

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The young child, who had just begun to speak, fed her fish. 

The grand aunt was excited.  Did they say "thank you" to you?  Asked the aunt.

They only have mouth.  They don’t speak said the wise grand niece.

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They both were in the same city, but couldn’t meet or talk.

She smiled, took a deep breath and sighed.  She was breathing the air that he was breathing too.

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She poured out all that was troubling her.

He listened intently, brows knitted in concentration, pain visible in his eyes.

He cannot offer her any solutions, but that was just enough for her to ease the agony of her aching heart.

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I’m yours.  You are mine.

They both repeated.

Are they? 

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A pair of eyes looked at her from across the room.  She tried looking away – many times.

Finally their eyes locked on one another.  That’s when she drowned into it. And the smile never left her.

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The short hair irked everyone around.

Fashion many assumed.  Rebel some labeled her. Style icon few said jealously.

Only she knew the pain when long hair is grabbed.

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Her life was a clear stream, flowing in harmony  – with a definite purpose and a destination. Calm and serene.

Then he came along.

ROFL

This problem started pretty early in my life.  Yes a very real life problem. 

My name always had some issues.  Right from the way it was registered in my baptismal certificate  to the way it appears in my educational credentials, I had some issue or the other.  I have given a really long winding note about the bumpy ride my name has gone through  here

In the days of yore, when rail tickets were booked by actually filling forms and waiting in long winding queues especially during our summer holidays,   never  once was my name printed right on the reservation chart of the trains.  Most of the time the V and Y never changed, but any possible alphabet out of the 24 remaining alphabets would have found their place between them and I always had a fancy name, embarrassing me during my teen years, especially in front of my brother, who called me by that sound, all through the journey. By the time I reached my late teens, I started looking forward to the newest way railways would re-christen me. 

By the time I got married, most problems about my name came to an end, with my Alias in my name gone, and I had a much simpler name – Vincy Joseph.  What a breather it was.  In a decade from then online transactions came  and these days I do not face much issues with my name.  or So, I thought. 

Until this afternoon. 

We have a Learning Retreat coming up next week for a large gathering in an external resort, and I am facilitating some learning activities for the team.  In fact, our team is going crazy organising this as the participants are travelling from near and far to attend, and this is an in-house workshop.  For my activities, I have given my requirements to my organising team, which are a bit complex and needs to be created from scratch by some carpenters.  The carpenter had a meeting today with the organising team, in a different office, and the team in turn were confirming my requirements over  phone with the carpenter in tow.

Requirements clarified, dates of delivery clarified, I had to check the sample.  The carpenter seems to live closer to my residence and so I was checking with him if he can come over during the weekend to confirm the samples.  All done.  Just about the disconnect the call. 

I heard the carpenter ask “  Madam peru ??”  ( translation Madam’s name?) 

Our PMO head was saying why don’t you write it down?  Her name is Vincy.

Then some stifled laughter, some sounds that I was not able to gauge. 

I heard my self ask my PMO, all okay?.  Again stifled laughter, Vincy, we will get back to you in a minute, please hold on. 

This carpenter must have gone out and the whole team was laughing loudly.  I am on the other end of the call not getting the hang of it. 

Then came the reply from the PMO  there, Vincy that guy wrote your name in Tamil, and it was misspelt and read as  Whiskey J J J 

Rolling on the floor, Laughing.

Self Realizations

A caveat before we begin - the following is an unedited version of something I scribbled to be posted in my blog and was in the draft till now. It was written sometime Mid November 2014. Stumbled on it just now and posting it in the same rough and ready version.

Many psychometric tests that I have taken has revealed that I am an Introvert – hard to believe for anyone who knows me. I speak dime a dozen and am a big chatterbox. I realized I was a chronic Introvert after I started driving. I enjoy my company so much that the best thing I love doing is talking to myself while I drive and I seem to thoroughly enjoy it. There are times that I even switch off music because I find that intrusive in my conversations with self.

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Mental blocks are the biggest show stoppers I realize all over again. It took me 12 years to get to drive on my own. Today I guess I fairly manage to drive well. 8 months of driving without adding scratches to the badly beaten around car is my testimony. And to think I let my constraints in my mind to rule me for more than a decade, leaves me disgusted.

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It is not easy to let go off these mental blocks – and my life seem to be crowded with them. I was uncomfortable with music while driving. I got into that discomfort zone often and got over that. Wearing sunglasses was a discomfort while driving – have managed to get over that too. I thought I never had the-time to blog. I think this is the most hectic time of my life, a local travel, wedding of a cousin, niece receiving her religious habit, guests, work, an international travel on the cards next week and I still managed to write a post :-)

Yet another mental block busted :-)

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Been a lot on an introspective mood of late – not that am enlightened. I guess it is a grace to get answers for all you seek, and am not yet blessed with that grace. Anyways, I realized that I need to do something more for others, as my list included only stuff I do to please myself and my family. I volunteered to be the Catechism teacher at the Church, which means I need to be an hour and half extra at church every Sunday and consistently be there. prepare for the sessions, read bible and be thorough in the topics etc., All these years my excuse was I have a travelling job, and I may not be able to contribute. But what the heck, If I work a bit more towards being organized a bit, I guess I will work things out. Being a catechism teacher is not an attractive position, and someone who was impressed with my volunteering to a lackluster post, gave my name to be the Youth Representative and so that’s another position that I have taken up. I realize I could squeeze in all this into what I thought was an hectic life that I was leading. Now my introspection is on.

What more could I possibly squeeze in?

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My dad is a great inspiration for me especially for selfless service for others even at the cost of one’s own troubles. And he is pretty religious (that’s a mild term) So the catechism teacher position comes from his life.

What I realized was, the last week, I had to renew my passport which was supposed to expire in a few months and I need to travel in December, I was really hard pressed for time to apply for a new passport and I got in touch with an agent. I had to meet him to show my documents before he accepted money. It was a Saturday, and I had a meeting at church for the youth in the evening the next day I had classes and hence I could not meet this guy. Earlier this guy was particular about verifying the documents. I was explaining my appointments at church and how I cannot forego that, this person softened up immediately and said – Ma’am, you are so particular about church and I know all your documents would be right. I will go ahead and do the required procedures and you come when all your appointments are over.

Little things in life make your faith grow deeper. :-)

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What a person means to me is not equal to what I mean to that person. Some relationships just do not balance out. Another law of nature :-)

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It has always been difficult for me to be away from family – so much for the travelling jobs J and I have. I am going to the US for around 2 weeks in Dec and I am already missing my family. J laughs it off. The baby who made so much fuss for my first international travel, told me to bring as much chocolates as I can and didn’t mention a word about missing me or didn’t bother asking me when I will be back. Life can be cruel :-( and I will see to the two most important men in my life, after I return, suitably :-)

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Fighting the ghosts in my mind

We all have these monsters in our head that keeps giving us the wrong messages time and again. The funny part is we would listen to those voices and believe them so much that we defy common sense and fall prey to their words - such is the power of these monsters.

Recently, after a 12 year long light with those unknown ghosts in my mind, I finally overcame them and got back to my senses.

Truly a moment of great achievement in life and how can I not share it with you all?

I first went for my driving classes after much persuasion from J, enrolled into a popular  institute in chennai and didn’t complete the course. The driver was a rude fellow, with absolutely no respect for other human beings and at the slightest mistake would be screaming at me. With great difficulty I put up with him for around 9 days or so. One day in the middle of the road, I stopped the car, yeah in the middle of the road, somewhere near T.Nagar, in moderate traffic (thankfully) and told to him to mind his words and also remember telling him, experts would never come to learn from him, and I have come because I don’t know how to drive. I don’t think anyone has spoken to him that way, I still remember the shell shocked expression on his face and also remember he didn’t speak a word for the rest of the class. But I stopped going for the class.

Didn’t think of driving for another 7 years, and again after some goading from J, enrolled into yet, another driving institute, luckily this time, I had a very good instructor and I cleared my driving tests, in the first attempt itself. Didn’t feel too good about getting the license though, because I still was too unsure of myself when it came to driving.

I attempted to drive a couple of times with the help of some drivers later and sometimes with J, but didn’t get into full fledged driving. In 2011, I remember telling J that I want to drive and I need him to come with me so on a Sunday afternoon took the car and drove for around 9 to 10 kms. J was impressed, and said I was driving smoothly. And then it happened. I was taking a small road and had to take a left turn and instead of applying the brake, stepped on the accelerator, thankfully in first gear, and banged on a stationary wall and gate and damaged the front bonnet of our car. I also broke a small portion of the gate too. ( nothing to be feel proud of, just keeping you all posted !)

J got out of the car with a smiling face, and said, why don’t you get down, I will drive. And didn’t say anything else. I wished he said something angrily to me which he didn’t till date. My fear increased multi fold after that incident and didn’t feel like driving again.

Two years went past and the longing to drive returned, but I did nothing about it. It was during this time, I was given an intro about a driving instructor who specializes in making sure women who have licenses can drive. I told myself this is my last chance and went ahead and called this person and he agreed to tutor me. I am planning to write down my experiences with Mohan master in separate blog post and so we will look at it later. I went with him for around 12 classes and after a while I felt I was making no progress at all. Mohan master is a deeply religious person and during the month of March he undertook a pilgrimage to the Himalayas, ( look what I am capable of – I made my instructor take a trip to the Himalayas all the way from chennai – that’s how good I am in driving) and my sessions had to break inbetween. A good friend offered to come with me, to and fro from the office, for few days until I am confident about driving. Poor soul. I developed dependency on him and felt if he is around I would drive. It so happened one of the days, last Friday to be precise, he had to work from another office and called up in the morning to tell me that. I made up my mind to take my usual rick, and was telling that to J, when he said, nothing doing, please take the car. Worse come worse you will bang somewhere, but for the speed with which you are going, you will not harm anyone Vincy.

Armed with confidence from my dear hubby, I drove alone. Voila!!!Yes I DROVE on my own. Without any incident. And I drove back home too that evening.

Folks I have been driving on my own now this last week. I also took a complete detour from my office yesterday – had to finalise a venue for our team meeting and have a look at it, so I drove to the hotel, parked the car and finished my work and came back home on a completely new route that I had not driven before.

If you ask me if I am feeling good, yes I am. Mighty thrilled that I can drive. Especially when I drove on cathedral road, the road that I am so familiar with ( My college where I did my UG is there), felt so damn good. but am I enjoying the drive, not yet. I am a bit tensed, worried and instead of driving pleasure I sure do go through Driving Pressure. But I am certain I will get over it.

The most important thing is I am able to drive and that is all that matters right now.

17

Seventeen!!!

A sweet number.  Oh, not  my age.  Though I feel that way most of the time.  And I do sometimes behave like one.

At 5.25 am, 17 years ago, a nurse put a wet and squishy baby on my chest. I couldnt react.  I didnt even ask what baby it was.  No, I wasnt overcome with emotion to see my little one.  Infact, the nurse said to another one, please take that baby from her, she might push it away.  Actually i was in so much pain and was compeltely drained out to even look at the baby.

I remember swooning soon after that.

So it was actually a couple of hours later, when my dad came to me and said you have been sleeping (?) for a long time.  The baby is crying.  Thats when I looked at a wrinked, reddish and a cute little bundle wailing away and the glee on my mothers face told me it was a boy. 

I remember the 25year old girl transform into a woman, a mother, the time she set her eyes on this little one. and that transformational journey continues and I am so proud of being your mother Dennu.

It was this day, 17 years ago, yet another mother was born.

It was this day, this little one, taught me what parenting means,

It was from this day, I understood what my parents have done for me and what pains they have gone through for my sake.

It was this day, I realised nothing else matters in the world to me and my priority in life was just him.

and to this day, my journey has been great.

It is your birthday today Dennu, and  the day I was reborn as a mother 17 years back.

Love you baby and may the Lord watch over you throughout your life and while is  making you a better human being, let him also make me a better mother !!

Happy Birthday !!!

What does my name symbolise?

The best sound in the entire universe is the sound of one’s own name – Dunno who has said this, but I am sure it is so true. I am very well aware of the fact that my name is a combination of my Dad’s and mom’s name combined together. My Dad is Vincent and my Mom’s name is Rosy. While the short form of Vincent is Vincy, my name has different reasons of its origin as cited above. Vincy is such a common name in Kerala that every house would have a Vincy in their household, if not, atleast some funny variations such as Jincy, Bincy or Sincy. By the way Joe’s sister-in-law is Jincy and one of his niece’s name is Sincy. Bahhh…

I was wondering what my name symbolizes and did a google search and here is what I found about my name.

Vincy originates from the Roman name Vincentius, which was from Latin vincere "to conquer". This was the name of several saints. The postimpressionist painter Vincent van Gogh was a famous bearer of this name.

Although the name Vincy creates idealism and the urge to help others, it causes a blunt expression that alienates others.

* This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the nervous system, and tension or accidents to the head.

* Your name of Vincy has given you an idealistic nature with a desire to help others.

* Your initiative often causes you to be the first to act when you see a need.

* Since you are impressionable and receptive, you feel the misfortunes of others very keenly.

* However, this name makes it awkward for you to express your deeper thoughts and feelings with finesse and diplomacy to the extent that your candid, sometimes blunt, manner of speaking creates misunderstandings with others.

* Being somewhat self-centred, you learn through your own experiences, as you rarely take advice from others.

* Yet, you are sensitive and very easily hurt and offended.

* You long for praise and appreciation for your efforts, but others find it difficult to understand you.

I do see a lot of similarities to what I am and what my name symbolizes. So is it my name that makes me what I am or vice versa.

But I know one thing for sure, I don’t think there is anyone in this world who has completely understood me :-) :-()  Am I proud?