A caveat before we begin - the following is an unedited version of
something I scribbled to be posted in my blog and was in the draft till now. It
was written sometime Mid November 2014. Stumbled on it just now and posting it
in the same rough and ready version.
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Mental blocks are the biggest show stoppers I realize all over again. It
took me 12 years to get to drive on my own. Today I guess I fairly manage to
drive well. 8 months of driving without adding scratches to the badly beaten
around car is my testimony. And to think I let my constraints in my mind to
rule me for more than a decade, leaves me disgusted.
It is not easy to let go off these mental blocks – and my life seem to
be crowded with them. I was uncomfortable with music while driving. I got into
that discomfort zone often and got over that. Wearing sunglasses was a
discomfort while driving – have managed to get over that too. I thought I never
had the-time to blog. I think this is the most hectic time of my life, a local
travel, wedding of a cousin, niece receiving her religious habit, guests, work,
an international travel on the cards next week and I still managed to write a
post :-)
Yet another mental block busted :-)
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Been a lot on an introspective mood of late – not that am enlightened. I
guess it is a grace to get answers for all you seek, and am not yet blessed
with that grace. Anyways, I realized that I need to do something more for
others, as my list included only stuff I do to please myself and my family. I
volunteered to be the Catechism teacher at the Church, which means I need to be
an hour and half extra at church every Sunday and consistently be there.
prepare for the sessions, read bible and be thorough in the topics etc., All
these years my excuse was I have a travelling job, and I may not be able to
contribute. But what the heck, If I work a bit more towards being organized a
bit, I guess I will work things out. Being a catechism teacher is not an
attractive position, and someone who was impressed with my volunteering to a
lackluster post, gave my name to be the Youth Representative and so that’s
another position that I have taken up. I realize I could squeeze in all this
into what I thought was an hectic life that I was leading. Now my introspection
is on.
What more could I possibly squeeze in?
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My dad is a great inspiration for me especially for selfless service for
others even at the cost of one’s own troubles. And he is pretty religious
(that’s a mild term) So the catechism teacher position comes from his life.
What I realized was, the last week, I had to renew my passport which was
supposed to expire in a few months and I need to travel in December, I was
really hard pressed for time to apply for a new passport and I got in touch
with an agent. I had to meet him to show my documents before he accepted money.
It was a Saturday, and I had a meeting at church for the youth in the evening
the next day I had classes and hence I could not meet this guy. Earlier this
guy was particular about verifying the documents. I was explaining my
appointments at church and how I cannot forego that, this person softened up
immediately and said – Ma’am, you are so particular about church and I know all
your documents would be right. I will go ahead and do the required procedures
and you come when all your appointments are over.
Little things in life make your faith grow deeper. :-)
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What a person means to me is not equal to what I mean to that person.
Some relationships just do not balance out. Another law of nature :-)
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It has always been difficult for me to be away from family – so much for
the travelling jobs J and I have. I am going to the US for around 2 weeks in
Dec and I am already missing my family. J laughs it off. The baby who made so
much fuss for my first international travel, told me to bring as much chocolates
as I can and didn’t mention a word about missing me or didn’t bother asking me
when I will be back. Life can be cruel :-( and I will see to the two most
important men in my life, after I return, suitably :-)
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Very nice post. You really are in an introspective mood these days !
ReplyDeleteBy the way, the "baby" not crating a fuss when you were leaving is actually a nice tribute to you. After all, our role as parents is simply to let little ones fly, isn't it . Its hard , but so wonderfully satisfying.
Thank you Ramesh.
DeleteI guess you are speaking from a very man persective about letting our little ones fly - the pride and satisfaction. and i think i am saying it from a mothers / womans perspective. It is heartbreaking.
Hi, this post is so inspiring.. you know what I mean :) yes .. .yes.. about the driving part.. lovely post..
ReplyDeletekeep writing
take care
Rekha, I have an internal target of enabling 5 women to drive. you are one of my targets. I really wish you drive. and trust me on this, If I can drive, anyone can drive. :-) and you are driving soon.
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