I have been wanting to write to you all about this for sometime now. Like everyone of my posts that take its own course of time, this one also did. Thankfully, it made it to the virtual world.
When I ushered in 2019, I looked at this virtual space as my
therapy, and boy, it did live up to it. Every
one of you, you came in and read me, did.
Some stretched a bit and left me all those loving comments, some made me
laugh and it all worked. Worked like magic.
2018 was nothing short of a disaster for me and family. I did write about the surgery that I had to
undergo last year. So, when I came in to
my virtual space in Jan 2019, I was literally at my lowest. Physically, mentally and every other
way. But I was determined to get out of it,
in style
The comprehensive health checkup in September
2019 was more than mandatory and thankfully I cleared it all. I
am at my healthy best right now, but a conversation with a doctor changed the
way I look at my health. So this doctor
was going through my records, and asked me so what surgery did you go through
last year. A hysterectomy and an oophorectomy
due to an ovarian tumour, I replied. He
casually asked me the next question, which slapped the daylights out of
me. So, how many Chemo’s did you go
through? None, mine was a benign one,
was my response.
That question also reminded me how lucky I was to get away
with it. Pretty close.
While I got a bit lucky there, the surgery left my body
reckless. It was as though my body lost
its control on itself – physical and emotional. The changes were apparent as soon as I got back home
from the hospital. Panic attacks and
hot flashes /sweats became the norm. Lack
of sleep and depression were my new friends. A sudden sense of fear, as if I heard
a terrible news of losing a loved one, along with accelerated heart beat would wake
me up from sleep. Falling asleep after
that was difficult. At least a couple of
times in the night and few times during the day. I read up and recognized those as Panic
attacks. Hot flashes were more interesting, with the AC switched on, and when
everyone is feeling normal, I would sweat like a pig, drenching myself as if I just
went under a shower head. This for a person, who would normally not sweat at all, was unbearable. The best is
there were no short cuts to all these, had to just endure them.
I was upset, angry and the normal Why me ? questions.
Answers were never easy, and the universe forced me to find it myself. I read and read and read all about my conditions. Medical science offered HRT, Hormone
replacement therapy, which had more cons than the pros. That’s when I decided I will chalk out my own
therapy and here is what I did.
Blog more
I had my space and had a set of wonderful folks like you and
I decided to come in here. And if you read
my first post of the year, here, I have clearly mentioned that I am coming
here for my own reasons. and sure
enough, this turned out to be my best therapy.
I have written around 30 posts this year and yes each one has been a
potion to my troubled head. Every comment that you left me, helped me move
forward, slowly. And as I key this in, I
am tearing up.
Walking / Zumba and physical fitness
I got back to my walking trail and walked as if my life depended on it. In fact, it did. I rejoined my Zumba classes at work and went without skipping it 3 times a week. My sleep improved when I danced and also started a small funcitonal training routine after my every day walk, which kind of helped my body secrete all the right hormones. In January 2019, I had clocked more than 2 lakh steps on my pedometer and I have maintained it almost every other month.
Walking / Zumba and physical fitness
I got back to my walking trail and walked as if my life depended on it. In fact, it did. I rejoined my Zumba classes at work and went without skipping it 3 times a week. My sleep improved when I danced and also started a small funcitonal training routine after my every day walk, which kind of helped my body secrete all the right hormones. In January 2019, I had clocked more than 2 lakh steps on my pedometer and I have maintained it almost every other month.
Theatre
Took up a theatre assignment, and performed the role of
Leanardo cianculli, in spite of the schedules and yes it helped. My gals were there for me in person, to
cheer me along and to tell me I was the best.
It did so much good in my healing.
Garden
My plant babies and fishes were a great distraction. Hand painting my pots and repotting the plants
and seeing them grow made me a wonderful plant parent. I could watch the fishes for hours together,
when I found time and they were healing me too – have you heard of the Japanese
peering into their Koi fish tank and attaining nirvana?
Designing clothes
Distracting my head was paying off, so I was lapping up
stuff that I once did and ditched. Designing
clothes was one of my favorites and couldn’t
pursue it as finding a good tailor is an arduous task. I explained my ideas to
my existing tailor and he started doing well.
Travel
This year probably is the most travelled year – starting with
Dubai for our anniversary, Wayanad, Vietnam with the gals, Auroville, Tada
falls not including my business trips, I set my heart to enjoy the world so I would
distract it as much I can. And it did
work
Little DIYs around the house
Like a brick wall that J and I created together at the altar
at home, or plans for the plate wall that we are yet to put up, the Yaazhi’s as
the entrance décor to the washing area – Yes they all added to the therapy
My diet had more fruits, nuts, and seeds to it and
everything that would stabilize my body temperature. Friends pitched in and helped. They checked in on me and I knew I could
count on them anytime.
In spite of all the efforts, there were times I was getting
out of control and I did talk to a doctor.
She listened to me and said you have taken all efforts to minimize the
effects of the surgery and an HRT would have done only this with lesser
impact. I would use you as an example to
my patients in controlling the after effects of a surgery. You don’t need a treatment Vincy.
In the meantime, the intensity of the hot flashes, panic
attacks have come down. I do sleep
better these days and so, here I am folks, at the end of the year, baring it all for you and thanking you from the
virtual world for being my successful therapy. I have healed because of each one
of you and I cannot thank you all enough.
Love you.
