Parakeets and Doves

5.30 am.

Unable to open my eyes, I am still in a world that I have never been before. Ever.  In the distance, I could hear the chatter of Parakeets and cooing Doves and I am longing to have a look at them from the window.

My bed is the middle of the room, and through my half closed eyes, I can see another pair peering into me.   I moan a bit and unable to move, go back to my slumber.

Interrupted by discomfort, I try to turn around a bit on the bed, but the chirps of the birds, calm me down. A burly hand gently pats and reassures me.  I know that guy hasn’t slept a wink. I let things be. I have no choice.

This was 22^nd August 2018.   How do I remember the date so well, you may ask!

How can I forget?

I am going to take you, my dear readers, through some parts of my life, that I want to let go.  Writing it down here always have been comforting and in more than one way acts truly as my therapy.

Always confident about my health, an unplanned medical check, didn’t prepare me enough for a huge turning point.   The doctor who was doing the Ultrasound scan was taking longer than usual and his face was turning grim and I could sense something was wrong.  The doc, a pleasant chap, told me at the end, Ma’am,  I see two desmoid tumors in your abdomen and I want you to consult an surgical oncologist at the earliest. 

Myriad thoughts ran through my head when I drove back home that day.  My parents were home, mom was unwell and I was taking care of her.  J was away at Cochin and I know he will freak out at this message just like me, which he did.

What followed this diagnosis is something that I would never want to go through ever again.  Waiting for doctors consultation’s took most of our time.  And we met 7 doctors across the city from 7 different hospitals in less than 10 days.  J came down to Chennai on a prolonged leave.  Painful tests, Scans, allergies to medications administered for the tests, fear of the unknown, tears all followed.

The verdict was the same – from most of the doctors.  I had fairly large ovarian tumor, on which a biopsy cannot be done, since it would upstage the tumor especially if it is malignant, so I need to go under the knife and remove my uterus and the ovaries through a frozen section ( which simply means they would do a biopsy when the surgery is on), better if I did it with an oncologist rather than a gynecologist.

We only had to decide when and with whom.  The decision was not as simple as it sounds.

Finally in less than two weeks of the diagnosis I went under the knife on 21^st of August 2018.  10 days of hospitalization and for once I had J all for myself.  He didn’t move out of my hospital room in those 10 days. Poor soul did not sleep a wink most of the days I was in the hospital.

I was grounded for 2 months – had to be on complete rest for medical reasons.  No driving, no bending down, no lifting weights, not even walking too fast.   My schedules went in for a toss the whole house hold stepped up and rose to the occasion.   J made a painful choice of coming back to Chennai for good at the cost of his job. Nidhu, my 6 year old niece was my nurse for 2 weeks.  My sister came over and stayed with me during my post-operative period.  

It turned out that the tumor was  benign and I recovered pretty fast, much to the surprise of the surgeon.   Thank god for not so small mercies in life.

The whole process has been traumatic and I am still recovering from its emotional impact.  In hindsight, it was truly a divine intervention that I even went in for a medical check, given the fact that the appointment itself in the first place a big mistake made by the healthcare team. Literally, an unknown hand, pushed me for a routine check and this one surfaced from nowhere and my early diagnosis helped me to get away without much complications.  An ovarian tumor can go undetected for long periods in time and can develop complications that could be fatal. 

I know I have gotten all of you worried, putting this out here, but I want to assure you all that I have been able to get out of it pretty well and if you know the stuff I have been doing to get myself back on track, I am sure you all would be proud of me.  And I am going to write about it too.

Among some blessings in life like family and friends, if I was sure of something, it was your well wishes.