Gifts money can't buy

Birthdays have always been special, all these years.   Even this year.

The plan was to go to Kochi, where J is, and spend a week there, to celebrate my birthday with him.  And I thought to myself, yeah, I can do with some pampering.  After the hectic theater rehearsals and an awesome show day where we did 2 shows within few hours, I definitely needed to rest awhile and let my hair down.  Luckily, my work permits me to work from wherever there is network connectivity, and all official approvals in place, was ready to enjoy the devilish monsoon of Kerala.  As a Madrasi, Its been a long while since I even heard the pitter-patter of a feeble rain.

That’s when all plans went topsy-turvy.  

Mom took ill and we had to put her through an Endoscopy which led to an biopsy, for which we are still awaiting results, with our fingers crossed.  Don’t ask me how worried we are.  I am tired of putting up a brave face in front of my parents and my younger siblings. And sometimes people just assume you are the strongest, while you know you are the weakest of all.  And the problem with showing up as a strong person is that, no one even wonders if you are okay. 

The first thing I did was to bring my parent’s to my home, and made them stay with me.  Though reluctant initially, they budged.

J immediately made plans to come to Chennai, during the weekend and stay on with me on my birthday, 18^th June, which fell on a Monday.  I can’t believe he took off on my birthday – he has hectic schedules, is such a workaholic and still chose to take off. He had traveled even the last week to watch our performance.  Oh yes, he helped me calm down and he is quite a strength when around.   One of my best birthday gifts this year.

The same week when mom took ill, my best friend and soulmate was travelling on a holiday and though I wanted to pour my heart out, I refrained from doing so, lest I would spoil the family vacation with my problems.  So, I was trying to sound normal, cheerful, and took care not to let let the cat out.  I must have put up that facade for a few days and I was convinced that this friend believed in my act.  Just before my birthday, out of the blue, I get a message – Hey, something tells me you are not okay. I stare into my mobile and the words blur as tears well up and blind me.  Felt so emotional that I almost froze.  Few hours later, I mustered some nerve to send a curt reply.  Stop cooking up stories in your head.  Have fun and enjoy your holidays. I also message back saying J is coming down from Kochi and will be here for my birthday.  That nailed it. I get a cryptic response “Good”.   

Yep.  Yet another birthday gift, no amount of money can buy – to be loved so deeply that a friend intuitively knows whether you are okay or not.  

I walk into the church that Sunday, 17^th of June, feeling a bit depressed and worried.  I have a few existential questions that runs in my head.  Worry distracts me to a point, where I am not able to focus and pray.  And the Choir sings my most favorite song as the entrance hymn and the chorus goes something like this -  God still, still loves the world.  So throw your life into his arms, day by day discern his plans, God is passionately busy loving you and me. I realise that my Lord is wishing me a happy birthday in his own way. I join in and belt it out as usual and my catechism children chime in along with me.

And yes.  The best gifts are what money cannot buy.

Postscript:

You can listen to the song that played in the choir,  here