Twice as nice !!!

You were far away      

In my thoughts
I had flung you
Out of bounds from my universe

Not because of hatred

But because of fear

That if I remembered

I will love you more than myself

It wasn’t easy
I knew I was being

Unkind to myself

A torment unspeakable

There was a time

When the world was merrier

Just because

Of your presence

Everywhere I turned

Images of you conjured up
Gave the zing to my step

and a song to my soul.

But I decided to change

Lived in self denial

For reasons beyond my control

I moved on

But life had other plans

I had to meet you, fleetingly though

Memories came flooding back

This time twice as nice.

Vincy Joseph

P.S : This is my humble attempt at Poetry. I am a novice at this.  Any resemblance to incidents that connects u & me, imaginary or real, is purely intentional J

Trying to get it off my chest !

I read this somewhere recently, definitely in the virtual space and it instantly tugged at my heart strings.  It persistantly stayed on, appearing from nowhere into my thought streams every now and then quite annoyingly and just does not go away from the back of my mind.

Putting it down here as an effort to get it off my head and..hmmm.. my heart as well.

" Why am I worried about losing you when you are not even mine? "

Blessings come in many packages... you definitely are one of the best !!

For more than a couple of years I have been wanting to wirte a blog post about one of the most important people in my life. Wirting needs that urge to pour out and words then just flow out automatically when a blog topic comes to the mind (atleast in my case) There were many times when I wanted to write about this good friend and for reasons not even known to me I had put off writing this blog for a long time now.

Even before I introduce this friend to you all ( it is as though, I have a great fan  following for my blogspace, that I address my readers with so much flamboyance, pardon my silly fantasies :-), I am well aware I hardly have any, and the number of people visiting the blog post increases just because I keep visiting this space that often ..  LOL ), coming back to the point in discussion, my friend, I have a little note for her.

Did I tell you that I am so grateful that you are in my life?

I do not say it enough, but it is not because I do not feel it. It is hard putting in words, what you mean to me
There are so many things you do, that add up to a big part of my life
I love you and just wanted you to know

:-) :-) :-)

One of the most vibrant, chattering, ever-smiling, smart, intelligent, stylish, supportive, caring, kind and loving human being. Her memories are such a comfort and the very mention of her name brings in Peace to my mind.  If there is anything closer to unconditional love, it is the bond that we share with each other,  She always brought a smile to anyone who she came in touch with, even at the cost of hiding her own worries.

 

This blog is  about my good friend Anita.  I am smiling when I key in her name and thats the effect she has on me. I truly beleive that she is one the blessings from above.  We met professionally and it didnt take too long for us to hit it out together as freinds.  Since our relationship started professionally and we were at the same level at work, we did have differences at work and we fought tooth and nail about  certain work related issues  occasionally until one of us were convinced.  But as I mentioned that was not frequent and we knew we were a team and we stood together.  So, it was not surprising, when others in our team dealt with us they knew we were more friends than colleagues.

 

The more sweeter memories that I have about Anita is all the wild shopping we have done at Bangalore ( commerical street), Hyderabad ( general Bazaar) and in Pune ( Lakshmi market?). Our work had taken us to multiple places and we travelled a lot both in trains and flights.  We were so comfortable in each others' company and amidst so many colleagues, I could distinctly see her as my friend among a pack of colleagues.

I still remember the NLP programme that we went together and it was on my birthday and she made me feel so special.  While I have scores of memories about her, a funny one that often comes to my mind was when we both travelled together to Hyderabad ( I guess it is to hyd) and there was so much turbulence that particular day in the flight and both held our hands so tightly and we almsot thought that was our last flight.  And in between we were also gigling so hard.  Amidst all those giggles, Anita was telling me ( and  that was also the time we had moved into our independant new house) Vincy, you know what, the insurance for fliers who die in an aircraft crash, is so high .. just imagine  Joe ( my husband) can clear all the housing loan and they ( my bubby and son) will have a new house, a new mommy,, just imagine that Vincy.. and in between all that turbulence, we were actually pissing in our pants and we were laughing.. oh what fun...

At work Anita was one of the most capable people I have seen, most networked, tech savvy and gets work done in a Jiffy.  Be it our discussions about our childrens eduation or bitching about a lot of people who worked with us ( oh we did a great deal of that) or working together or an assigment, we thoroughly enjoyed it. It is almost as if she is part of my family.

It was pure Joy travelling with her, we kept joking, laughing and basically enjoyed life with each other. I knew I loved her so much when she decided to move to China for professional reasons and when her mom who was as desperate as me, called me to ask if she has reached China and I just broke down and we were crying over the phone. and I knew I will miss this woman like hell.. and sure I did.

After she left to China, it was as though a part of me went missing and I felt so alone and there was sense of loneliness.  Our chat lines and phone helped us survive. Today we both have left our earlier organisations, we are in different places of the globe, she in Singapore and me in Chennai separated by miles but closer at heart. 

We interact with each other regularly, ( thank technology for that ) and last week I had a mail from her which was crisp and just one question.  Do you remember this comb?

This was a Roots comb that I had given Anita some years back.

And she also followed it up with another mail.
I use it in office … :-) Its on my desk always !!

I truly feel so blessed that destiny has helped our lives cross each others' and my life is enriched because
Anita is my friend. 

Love you Always!!

She & Me

Helpless listening

What do you do when a friend who is going through a personal emotional struggle calls you and tells some of the greif that the person is going through?  I just listened.  completely  ..with all my attention. 

As I listened to this conversation, a myriad set of emotions were going through me..  helplessness, sadness, empathy, you know what, I so wanted to be just there for this friend to be of some form of consolation.. but I guess I did nothing.. I just listened.

And then I realised what a wonderful friend I have in this person.  I was so proud to have this person as a good friend.  Being an independant consultant for large MNC's across the nation, the assignments of my friend depended a lot on his customers and their dates.  Inpsite of this, the willingness to spend the precious, valuable time with an ailing father leaving behind his own family in another state and completely supporting the parents truly touched me. I did manage to mumble to my freind that the parents are real lucky ones, even though I know they all are in immense pain right now.

The last two weeks has especially been bad for my freinds father with his abdominal cancer consuming him almost completely making him unable to eat or drink. Thats when my friend decided to spend time with them ( parents) who live here in Chennai.  Some of the details of the pain and grief the parents ar going through really brought tears to my eyes, but all I did was just listen.

Death seems so close and it looks like they are expecting this unwanted treachourous visitor anytime.. really anytime.  How does it feel for the person going through this?  Its truly difficult to comprehend the sombre period the family is passing through too.

Ostentiably the family, I am sure is going through terrible trauma with the father down with this terminal illness and all odds heavily stacked against his survival.  My mind was going out to my friends mother, who must be bearing the brunt of it all.  I had this sinking feeling that I am unable to support my friend in any way other than just listen.  Insignificant, I know

I wanted to say a hundred things to console my friend, but I guess all that was needed was some ardent prayers and all I did was listen with moist eyes.

May God bless my friend for being such a wonderful soul, and I am begging God to give this family strength to go through this testing time.

and I will be around to listen. and to pray.  for my friend and the family.

A friend sent this to me in response to a prayer request and found it quite meaningful  "Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death"

P.S: anyone reading this post, I request a silent prayer for my friends family and especially the father for a easy passover to our Lord's abode.

P.S added on 27th of March :  My friends father passed away this morning.  Thank you for all your prayers.  Eternal peace grant unto him O Lord, may his soul Rest In Peace.

Sometimes it lasts in love, Sometimes it hurts instead !!!

A lovely song by Adele...  I should thank mother of two blogger, author and a lot more rolled into one  Preety Shenoy, I heard this song through her tumblr post.

My First Meme... Yaa...aay

I stumbled upon a blog by name Sunday Stealing  through Preeti's blog  Justamotheroftwo and I thought to myself what the heck.. I have never tried a meme and why not this one.. and here i go with my answers... Its actually a three part Meme, of which I am doing only this part hence the numbers start from 51 instead of 1.

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

I do earnestly make an effort to fogive and forget. it is quite difficult and takes a long time for me to forgive those who have done me wrong

52) What is your astrological sign?

I am the Twin, multi personality Gemini, with an impulse towards change and versatality

53) Do you save money for anything? What?

Yes, I do. for a lot of stuff.  One important saving is for an Europe trip - to go through all those spots mentioned in the book "Da Vinci Code" - I am a great fan of Da Vinci Code and Dan Brown and Europe has always been a fascination

54) What's the last thing you purchased?

Gifts for my husband on his birthday and a cake for him.

55) Have you ever had a relationship that you realized was lust not love?

not really - I always had the awareness that basis of most relationships were lust and so I kept myself kind of closed for all kinds of relationships.  The flip side was I never gave myself an opportunity to find love atleast before marriage :-(

56) In a relationship?

Progressive...

57) How many relationships have you had?

am a very uninteresitng person that way - remember I told you, I kind of kept myself blocked?  but I guess there was one..  :-)

58) What do you want to tell us about your day?

Today being a saturday, I decided to relax, so no hard work lots of browsing and leisure activity.  I am planning to read - complete my book on Dynamic relationships by Jacqueiline and Cheri B Tores

59) Where were you yesterday?

At office, doing a lot of work.

60) Is there anything interesting within 10 feet of you?

A bean bag that is quite inviting expsecially on a day when I have decided to relax - lots of tissues ( if you can call that interesting ( I have a bad cold), my mobile and a chess board ( made of glass) and my Laptop that am working on.

61) Are you wearing socks right now?

The heat at Chennai is close to 40 degree celsius already.. Imagine wearing a socks now..  I am must be insane to do that.

62) What's your favorite animal?

A Dog of course.  I dont own a dog now.. but my childhood memories are filled with dogs as our good freinds and companions.  Julie ( an Alsation) and Rocky (a cross between a lab and a bull dog) are my favourite Pets.

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Love, care and add some senti stuff and there you go

64) Where is your best friend?

Right in  my heart.  One is in Singapore and one here in my city.  Fortunately, I cannot choose between the two...

65) How did you end your last relationship end?

I wouldnt call that a relationship - actually a friendship.  I told that person I am not intersted to continue the friendship in a very matter of fact manner.

66) What is your heritage?

The values passed on to me by my parents and my People. 

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Fast asleep and a peaceful one at that.  Last night just before sleeping we were talking about singing during family prayers.  Infact my son just remarked yesterday to me on a very serious note - " I wonder how Jesus listens to your singing..  one day hes going to walk out of our house"  Joe and I laughed about this joke and I told Joe, when I sing in a church or during a family prayer, I dont really care who is around me it is only between me and my LORD. My mom-in-law who is a great classical singer, who can sing pretty well inpite of breathing issues, sings with us and never has laughed or commented at my singing. In fact, I feel a little concious to sing with her.  Joe, a good soul that he is, asked me to sing the song that we sang today and he taught me the nuances of the song ( he knows classical music too) and we sang the song a couple of times together, Joe correcting some notes that I wasnt singing well and I slipped into a blissfull sleep!!!

you can listen to the song here Paavanathmave

68) What's new?

My job is new and am thoroughly enjoying it. We have moved into a new rented house and my life has a whole new perspective. My work place is so close to my house, travel to work place is so much lesser and life looks so different and postive

69) What is the key to seduction?

Eyes and Lips.  An intimate look and smile can do a neat job.

70) What was the weirdest thing that happened to you this week??

My freind called to update me  about his dad who is in his death bed - I knew there is a lot he didnt tell me, but still whatever he told me freaked me out instantly.  Could not focus on whatever I was doing for the next 10 - 15 mins.  I said a divine mercy prayer right there.

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

I am so tempted to put on an halo and say I would save the dog.  Honestly, while I love dogs, I might not go down a canal, wet myself and save a dog.  I might call for help and get someone to pull the dog out and I guess having never been late to work till date, I can explain that to my boss.

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) Yes, of course, I will tell everyone.  I will make an earnest attempt to meet all my freinds and relatives who I have been longing to meet. 

b) I will make that Europe trip  going around every part of Europe with reckless abandon, I would want to come back to India to die though

c) a wee bit I guess.. no.. wait..  I will be afraid.... a lot.. I have been afraid of death  always... :-(

73) You can only have one of these things: trust or love.

Love - I truly beleive it is Love that makes the world go around.  Love any day.

74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

a lot of them actually .. what comes to my mind is my historic favorite Everything I do by Bryan Adams.  Part of my youth and some good times in college.

75) Who has your cell phone number (other than family)?

a whole lot of people.. mostly freinds and relatives. and some business contacts.  I also get random calls from a lot of these call centres for all kinds of reasons.. I would be better off without them..

WOW...  thanks to Sunday Stealer and Preety I am done with my first MEME...  pat pat pat.. thats a Pat on my back!!!

Another Birthday Together

Your birthday marks another year together;
Such happy times, I couldn’t ask for more,
Spending precious minutes, hours and days
With you, my love, whom I cherish and adore.
We’ve shared so much, we two, in love and friendship;
Each year our bond just seems to grow and grow.
I always want to be right next to you;
To be with you means more than you can know.
You’re always there for me with a loving smile;
I’m never happier than when I know you’re near.
I thought my love for you could not grow stronger;
And yet I love you even more this year.
                                                     By Karl and Joanna Fuchs 

Today is J's birthday and this poem is dedicated to him.